Tag: Service

Restaurant review: The Pot Kiln, Frilsham

On By ediblereadingIn Reviews4 Comments

One of the big gaps in my coverage of restaurants, given the name of this blog, is my failure to review the plethora of highly-rated gastropubs in the countryside around Reading. Berkshire is a funny-shaped county, long and thin, and that means you can strike out into Oxfordshire to the north or Hampshire to the south as easily as you can head east towards Maidenhead or west to Newbury staying within county lines. And one of the reasons, I suspect, why central Reading has never attracted many special occasion restaurants is the embarrassment of riches to be found a short drive away.

I’ve done some of them in my time of course, like the Bell or the Bottle & Glass, but the vast majority remain on my to do list, or at least they would if I were able to drive. And that means that when Britain’s Top 50 Gastropubs publishes its annual list, as it did early this year, I scan it for pubs nearby and realise, ruefully, that I’m unlikely to review them. This year The Loch & The Tyne in Old Windsor, Tom Kerridge’s two pubs in Marlow and The Crown in Burchett’s Green remain on my “maybe one day” list.

Another strange phenomenon in the gastropubs nearby is a tendency for musical chairs where highly rated chefs move from one pub to another. So for instance Dominic Chapman, who earned a Michelin star at the Royal Oak at Paley Street, which I reviewed, then moved on to the Beehive in White Waltham, which I have visited but not reviewed (it was, by the way, not bad at all).

And then, nine years later, he sold up: by that time he had taken on The Crown at Burchett’s Green, which he took over from Michelin starred Simon Bonwick. Again, I ate at The Crown once under Bonwick and thought it was quite good and extremely expensive. Bonwick then pitched up at The Dew Drop Inn in Hurley, managing eighteen months there before moving on again: he now cooks upstairs at a pub in Marlow three times a week.

This happens all over: The Loch & Tyne in Old Windsor is run by Michelin starred Adam Handling, but before that it was called the Oxford Blue and run by a chap called Steven Ellis. Ellis has moved on to another spot, The Bailiwick in Englefield Green which just so happens to be my stepmother’s favourite restaurant in the whole world. Again, I’ve been and it’s really rather nice, especially the venison bon bons; if you ever go, get a portion to yourself.

So maybe one good reason not to review pubs in this part of the world is the amount of toing and froing that goes on, with almost as much transfer activity as the Premiership: even The Plough, which I loved, is on to another head chef since I visited, its third in two years.

One of the benefits of this phenomenon, though, is that sometimes you see welcome, familiar faces pop up in new places. And that brings us to the Pot Kiln in Frilsham, out in West Berkshire, nestled in the Yattendon Estate. This bit of the world, too, has always been sprinkled with good food pubs: the Royal Oak in Yattendon and the Bladebone Inn in Bucklebury are just two more to add to the list of Places I Like But Have Never Reviewed.

The Yattendon Estate now owns the Pot Kiln, as it does nearby Renegade Brewery and Vicar’s Game in Ashampstead. Before that, for a long time under chef Mike Robinson – who held a Michelin star at Fulham’s Harwood Arms – the Pot Kiln was already synonymous with game, all caught on the estate. I ate there once, when Robinson was at the helm, and thought it was rather enjoyable, the surroundings idyllic. But then Robinson got divorced, and his wife got custody of the pub, running it with her musician partner, the magnificently named Rocky Rockliff.

For whatever reason the Estate subsequently snapped up the pub and installed new management. But rather than pick one of the merry-go-round of local chefs and get them to do what the pub had always done, the Pot Kiln took a more interesting course of action. It decided that instead of offering mainstream pub fare or more generic modern British food it was going to serve a Basque-infused menu. A three quarters of a million pound refurb was carried out, including a new open kitchen and a parilla grill, and it reopened last summer.

The other interesting thing they did was appoint chef Nick Galer. Now, I knew Galer’s food from his very successful spell at the Miller Of Mansfield, a lovely pub I did manage to review six years ago, out in Goring. He left the pub three years later, when our old friends Stonegate decided to nearly double the rent, and after that he had an incongruous spell cooking at a nearby golf club, but the move to the Pot Kiln made sense. It’s been on my list ever since, and as my future brother-in-law Matt drove us through the winding lines of West Berkshire in the gathering gloom I realised that I had a real sense of curiosity about the meal that lay ahead.

The thing is, I loved the Miller, and had some really successful meals there. But there were also a couple of times, especially one Christmas Day set meal, when I left somewhat peckish, and I’d heard similar reports from other people who had acted on my recommendation. A pub in the countryside offering tapas and the heartier food of Northern Spain, making good use of cooking over fire, could be an intriguing second act for Galer’s cooking.

In the summer, I imagine a review of the Pot Kiln would talk about just how beautiful its surroundings are, and what good outdoor space it has. But in grim, largely sunless March, before the clocks went forward, all I can say is how glad I was to be in the passenger seat next to an extremely competent driver and navigator. The pub itself looks classy and cosy – definitely one of those gastropubs that still operates as a pub – but the dining room of the restaurant, next to the open kitchen, was a little harder to love.

I couldn’t quite put my finger on why, because the tables were generous and the chairs comfy, but the lighting was a tad cold and the whole place had a certain feeling of sterility. It wasn’t for the lack of diners, because the room was reasonably well-occupied on a Monday night, including a large group which sang Happy Birthday later in the evening. But we grabbed a table for two with our back to all of that, both looking out on the open kitchen, and perhaps that was an error. Galer was not in the kitchen that night, although that didn’t seem to remotely affect the bustle of the staff beavering away.

The Pot Kiln’s menu read really well. There were ten tapas dishes, ranging in price from just over four to just over ten pounds, and eight mains, two of which were sharers. They started around twenty pounds and climbed from there. Half a dozen vegetable dishes, appearing out of sequence before the mains, completed the picture, although they appeared more to be sides than tapas. And actually, although I found plenty to potentially order on it, this menu wouldn’t suit vegetarians or vegans. Only one main for them, baked rice with cauliflower and capers, and four tapas options. In that sense, I suppose you could say it was quite authentically Spanish.

All that being the case, the drinks list surprised me. The local beers on offer highlight the owner’s connection to Renegade, the brewery formerly known as West Berks. But I thought there might be some Spanish sidra on offer, or at the very least some txakoli, the slightly sparkling wine which is one of the Basque country’s best exports. Not only wasn’t there any, but the wine list was dominated by other countries: less than half of the whites and about a third of the reds on offer came from Spain. It felt like some bet hedging was going on.

I decided to stick to the two Spanish whites available by the glass, starting with a Macabeo which was fresh, if slightly astringent. The Verdejo I moved on to later in the evening, not significantly more costly at eight pounds a glass, was much better: fuller, rounder, more interesting. Matt stuck to an alcohol free Asahi before then trying a mocktail with elderflower and ginger which he rated.

So, how many tapas dishes would you have ordered to share between two, not knowing how big they were or how large the mains after them would turn out to be? We opted for three, which I worried might be over-ordering: I suspect my appetite is bigger than Matt’s, or possibly it’s just that his manners are better than mine. But I needn’t have worried, because these were definitely tapa rather than media or racions.

First up, two mushroom croquetas, each topped with a thin slice of raw mushroom – this seems to be in vogue at the moment, although I’m not sure it added anything – resting on a puddle of thick mushroom ketchup.

I have to say, the taste of these was extraordinary. The concentration of savoury notes at the heart of those breadcrumbed spheres was something else, but better still was the depth of the ketchup. It had an awful lot going on – yet more umami, but also a very pleasant acetic spike in the mix. These were two really lovely croquetas. Two really lovely, rather small croquetas. Two really lovely, rather small croquetas that cost seven pounds fifty.

If you wanted any proof that the Pot Kiln, whatever else it might be good at, could do ketchup, the next tapa amply demonstrated this too. A pair of empañadas, with pleasingly dense pastry, had a filling of slow-cooked short rib and came with a blob of Kermit-coloured gherkin ketchup. The star of the show here was the ketchup – even Matt, who had been suspicious from the moment he spotted the word “gherkin”, tried some and declared himself a convert.

This dish was worth ordering for the ketchup alone, such a clever piece of work, something which captured the taste of gherkins in an almost photorealistic way despite being a puddle of green. It redeemed a multitude of sins, but did it redeem the fact that the two empañadas weren’t exactly bursting at the seams with strands of beef? Maybe.

Did it also redeem the fact that a pair of empañadas set you back eleven pounds? Maybe not. The philosophical struggle I had detected in the menu was between Spanish cuisine sending you away very full indeed and Galer’s cooking sometimes rarefying things to the point where they were a perfect, but tiny, distillation of themselves. On this evidence, the latter was winning out.

I minded all that less with the third tapa, but the fact remained that it too was small and perfectly formed. Two titchy triangular toasts, topped with tomato, finely chopped onion, oil, herbs and, from somewhere, a gorgeous supporting note of citrus. These too were this kind of thing – so often in Spain a huge piece of bread amply covered in their peerless tomatoes and salt – miniaturised to a lovely, exceptionally high end version of the same.

Getting tomatoes this good in March is itself, after all, quite an achievement. If elevation was the intention, mission accomplished. But although I could well believe you wouldn’t get a better rendition in San Sebastian, I could imagine you wouldn’t get a smaller one, either. Six pounds fifty for this.

At this point I was, in truth, a little concerned that it would be one of those meals, where everything tasted amazing but you had to seriously over-order or leave without feeling replete.

But Matt and I had ordered the 12-hour lamb shoulder, intended for two or three people, and we’d been warned in advance that it took a while, so we moved on to our second drink and caught up – his job, my job, his household adjusting to the arrival of my second niece, the ins and outs of the family we were both lucky enough to have found ourselves part of. Matt has the sort of senior job that means you have to be good at talking to anyone and everyone, which makes him an excellent conversationalist, although it did leave me hoping his evening with me didn’t feel like work.

From our vantage point I could see that the lamb shoulder had spent most of its 12 hours cooked sous vide, so it was rescued from a plastic cocoon and finished in the oven. And when it was eventually brought to our table, bronzed, with a thick layer of crispy, salted fat, I thought it looked about as wonderful as could be. It was accompanied with a little pot of anchovy and garlic sauce, which had also been artfully squiggled around the plate in an unnecessary fashion. Our server – all the people who looked after us that night were excellent, by the way – started the process of testing the lamb off the bone and shredding it, doing just enough for us to dish up and leaving the rest of us to explore for ourselves.

It was absolutely glorious. Lamb is one of my favourite meats, and this must be one of my favourite ways to have it. I’ve had slow cooked shoulder before where the fattiness is to the fore, where it’s slicked with the stuff, a little too much. But this was gorgeous, almost like the best kleftiko there is, and the texture was spot on, with enough of everything: crispy shards, plenty of supremely tasty fat, both crunchy and wobbly, and piece after piece of shredded lamb, some moist, some dry, all brilliant.

The salt studded along the edge of the fat made those pieces an especially savoury delight, and although it didn’t slump off the bone the way some slow-cooked lamb can, it didn’t take an awful lot of persuasion. For some reason we’d been brought quite dinky plates, which meant that we had to keep coming back for more, but that was very far from an ordeal.

Matt wasn’t sure about the sauce, but I suspect he’s less of an anchovy fan than I am. Even being a huge lover of anchovies, I thought this was salty overkill: I’ve read other reviews that say this used to be served with a mint sauce, and I can see that, or salsa verde, offering the counterpoint this needed. It also worked out fortuitously, I think, that the bits I were drawn to, especially the fatty ones, were naturally the ones Matt might have passed on. We were a regular Jack and Mrs Sprat, and between us we polished off the lot.

At seventy pounds, I think this served two nicely but might have been stretched between three. But I liked it so much that for even for two I thought it represented agreeable value.

Meat requires potatoes, whether you’re in Thatcham or Bilbao, and torn between the enigmatically described “Spanish potatoes” and the Pot Kiln’s chips we went for the latter. Very good chips came speckled with crispy flecks of jamon and under a light dusting of Idiazabal, a Basque cheese. There was also, apparently, “Bravas seasoning”, which I imagine was another piece of refinement and deconstruction. Too much refinement, I fear, because nothing was really detectable. Still, good chips with cheese and jamon on them are always going to go down well with me, and these did.

All that was an overload of saltiness, and much as I loved that I was glad we had some contrast in the form of some carrots. These were beautiful, fresh, just-cooked things dusted in something which apparently contained chives but, to both of us, tasted strikingly of aniseed. The fact that these, really, were the only vegetable of the evening was Matt’s and my fault for ordering the way we did, but also felt quite authentically Spanish: finding anything with vegetables in it can often be a challenge there, in my experience. Not that I’ve ever tried that hard.

By this point, things had quietened down in the restaurant and we were almost the last people there. I almost felt guilty about keeping them by ordering dessert, but I also felt like we ought to try that part of the menu out.

The dessert menu is compact – five dishes and a selection of cheeses, and one of them, turron at five pounds fifty a piece, felt more like something to accompany a coffee than a dessert in its own right. Matt was tempted by the apple tart with apple sorbet and calvados syrup, but unsure: he liked apple, but did he like it that much?

I told him you couldn’t have too much of a good thing, so he went for it and I think he was rewarded with the better dessert. My spoonful, again, pointed to the kitchen’s technical gifts and command of flavours: each element a slightly different iteration of apple, prioritising sweetness, sharpness or booziness. I would have been happy, had I ordered this. But had I ordered it – and even though I didn’t – I would say it was more a cake than a tart.

My choice, on the other hand, was one of those disappointing examples of how a menu can say one thing and mean another. Rhubarb sorbet, gingerbread, cava paints a picture of those three elements in harmony, maybe equivalent amounts of each, and I was expecting that to be the case. Instead, in the Pot Kiln’s standard issue terra cotta pots, I got a dollop of (admittedly very good) rhubarb sorbet with a scattering of gingerbread crumbs, like snow that would not settle.

Cava was then poured over it, but the terra cotta pot wasn’t the right vessel for a dish like this. It just meant that you got a thin lake of booze at the bottom that you couldn’t spoon up. So essentially this was a rhubarb sorbet with whistles and bells that didn’t blow or ring. At eight pounds fifty, this felt like a lot to spend on a dish that didn’t entirely cohere.

All told we’d been enjoying the Pot Kiln’s hospitality for over two hours, and I was increasingly conscious that we were probably preventing them from shutting up shop in the restaurant. At this point the open kitchen was less of a selling point: it’s one thing when you see activity, vitality, prep, flames, dishing up, but perhaps another entirely when they are mopping the floor with one eye on the service after this one, the following day.

So we settled up and Matt prepared to effortlessly work wonders with his satnav, ease us out of deepest darkest West Berkshire and take us back to the bright lights of Reading. Our meal – three tapas dishes, that lamb and side dishes, a couple of desserts and a couple of drinks apiece – cost about one hundred and sixty-five pounds, which included an optional ten per cent service charge. Overall I thought that was reasonable value – fair in parts, good in others, questionable in a few.

That was something I pondered and weighed up in the week I took to mentally digest, between eating this meal and writing it up here. Because after those tapas dishes I was all ready to write my oh-so-slighly disappointed not-quite-a-peroration, in which I gently pointed out that “perfect for sharing” should translate as “this dish is big enough for two people to enjoy” rather than “this dish is made up of two individual, rather small, morsels”.

But then the main course completely subverted all that – it wasn’t cheap, but it was outrageously good. It was the kind of food I had been expecting to find at the Pot Kiln, but I don’t think I was expecting it to be bookended by things so different – by tapas dishes that worked wonders with flavour but left you wanting more in all the wrong ways on one side, by desserts that were a tad pedestrian on the other.

In the run up to this visit I wondered which would prevail – the big portions and big flavours of the Spanish food I’ve enjoyed in the past (notwithstanding that I’m yet to go to the Basque country, sadly) or the precise, distilled, excellent cooking that Nick Galer is so good at. And the answer, based on this visit, is that the Pot Kiln, not quite open a year yet, is still resolving that identity crisis.

There is plenty to enjoy here, and I enjoyed plenty of it, but “let’s open a Basque inn in the middle of beautiful countryside just outside Newbury” is a concept I can get behind. “Let’s do the most beautiful portions of tapas that take a classic idea and produce it in its smallest, purest form” is perhaps not.

So if you want tapas, I think you might be better off heading just down the road to Goat On The Roof. If you want ludicrously good meat cooked beautifully on an amazing piece of kit, you should go here. Because that’s the part of this meal I’ll still be thinking about in the months ahead, the part I’d passionately recommend to others, the part I am remembering now, with a grateful smile on my face. For what it’s worth, I hope that side of this particular see-saw gains the upper hand.

The Pot Kiln – 7.5
Chapel Lane, Frilsham, RG18 0XX
01635 201366

https://thepotkiln.co.uk

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Restaurant review: The Boring Burger, Guildford

On By ediblereadingIn Reviews2 Comments

After the news that cuddly Mark Zuckerberg was doing away with fact checkers, when the penny dropped that distinguishing between our tech overlords was a similar exercise to using the Bristol stool scale, I read a lot of stuff online about how blogs were making a comeback. Enough of pithily sharing whatever’s on your mind and giving your data away on a billionaire’s platform, they said: time to get back to the good old days when people put their thoughts, longform, on their own blogs. Taking back control – a concept we’ve learned by now can only lead to happier times ahead.

It would be lovely if that were true, but I have my doubts. I’ve been blogging, in one form or another, for over fifteen years and I was late to the party when I started, so you can imagine how behind the curve I am now, waiting for the whole thing to finally be back in fashion. What this world needs is more 3000 word reviews of restaurants is a sentence I’ve only ever heard in dreams. I’m under no illusions – I’m happy in my niche, but I know that’s exactly what it is: a niche.

The tectonic plates of food writing changed last weekend when gastro-blowhard (and life president of the Jay Rayner Appreciation Society) Jason Rayner signed off from the Observer after 26 years, with a review which was ostensibly of an Indian restaurant in Leicester but was really about how great he was and how much we’ll all miss him. Bless.

He replaces tedious Tim Hayward at the FT, who took his leave with a review showing his unerring talent to slip a repulsive sentence into every piece. “I’d compare it to some kind of ecclesiastical erection were it not so determinedly sensuous” he said. Of a restaurant. What’s the opposite of starting as you mean to go on?

But these moves, really, are just shunting deckchairs around on the Titanic of print journalism. So too is the announcement of a new website, Scribehound, amalgamating the output of 30 food writers so that for a monthly fee you get a bit of everything. “Why pay for all those Substacks?” said one of the contributors, making it clear who they’re gunning for.

No, the real opinion formers in food these days are working in short form video, on TikTok and Instagram. I’ve written about Toffjaw before with their nearly 800,000 Instagram followers, but even they pale into insignificance compared to the influencer Eating With Tod, who is followed by more than twice that number.

His real name is Toby Inskip, but “Eating With Toby” would give the game away too early that this is yet another posho telling people what to eat. For the uninitiated, Inskip is a ginger chap with a very excitable plummy voice who always sounds like he’s just about to run out of breath: his many detractors are probably disappointed that he never does. He goes to a range of places and invariably describes them all as the best of their kind in London/the United Kingdom/this galaxy, and he’s on record as saying that he won’t ever criticise anywhere. He’s not a reviewer, he says, his is a “recommendation page”, and by recommendation he means hyperbole.

Whether he pays for his meals or not is unclear, but you get a pretty good idea from a cursory scan through his Instagram what he’s about. With more raves than Ibiza and a seemingly endless supply of gurning at food, Inskip’s techniques are now ubiquitous across a whole genre of ladz reviewing food on TikTok and Instagram.

From the overload of superlatives to the ridiculously exaggerated come face that follows every single mouthful, as if each one is utterly consciousness-redefining, from finger-banging thin air, as if to say that’s what I’m talking about, to the orgasmic waggle of the fork, to the naff chef’s kiss at the end of the video, these techniques have been snapped up by dreary bloke after dreary bloke.

Inskip also misses his mouth. A lot. For someone who has made a putative career out of eating out, he doesn’t appear to be very good at it, so every bite of a burger or a pizza leaves a huge smear miles from the corner of his mouth in a way that makes me feel icky. It’s like watching a toddler. How far we have come, that back in 2014 not being able to eat a bacon sandwich properly disqualified a man from the highest office in the land and in 2025 lacking basic hand-eye coordination is a fast track to thousands of followers? It makes you think.

Anyway, this week’s review found me in Guildford eating at The Boring Burger, and it was largely because of Eating With Tod. He went there last April, as part of his ongoing quest to find Britain’s best burger, and was every bit as aerated as ever. He raved about chef-owner Jamie Kuhls’ “Michelin skill set” because he worked at Claridge’s, although no restaurant at Claridge’s has held a star for something like 7 years. “His attention to detail blows my mind” said Inskip, a man whose mind seems to be blown on a daily basis.

“I could literally just put on a pair of sunglasses and stare at these burgers all day” he said, accompanied by footage of him, sunglass free, holding a burger up and gazing with wonder before taking a bite, smearing sauce on his face and waving his hand in the air with orgiastic abandon. “The best part”, he concluded, “is when you’re ordering through UberEats you can get their brisket mac and cheese bites, and they’re rather bloody tasty”.

That’s the best part? Really? These influencers love to team up with delivery apps for even more free food, another smoking gun that they don’t really like restaurants all that much.

Now, I know I’ve been scathing about poor Eating With Tod – it’s like shooting fish in a barrel – and I could go on. But it cannot be denied that even though he’s a challenging watch, he gets a lot of information across in a short space of time. And looking at that burger, which was infinitely preferable to looking at his boat race, it did look very good. So the seed was planted… should I maybe give it a try?

Anyway, influencers are like buses: you wait ages and then two come along at once. Because last October Bos Finesse, Bristol’s answer to Eating With Tod, also ate at The Boring Burger. And that’s what swung it.

Bos Finesse – real name Oscar Bostock – is an ebullient Bristolian chap who wears a lot of streetwear and has a unique line in hyperbole. For what it’s worth I rather enjoy his contributions to the English language, although I worry terribly about his complexion and his colon, and not necessarily in that order. Bostock has amassed 85,000 Instagram followers and you can’t fault his commitment, eating at highly rated Bristol restaurants, random takeaways in the arse end of nowhere, street food joints, burger vans and even fans’ houses (he also likes Gurt Wings, so he can’t be all bad).

When Bostock went to The Boring Burger he cranked Eating With Tod’s hype-o-meter up to 11. “These might just be the sexiest burgers I’ve ever seen in my entire life” he enthused, before adding that “they aren’t messing about in here, mate”. Bostock also met the owner and said “when you hear about his portfolio of Michelin restaurants you don’t ask no further questions”, despite the obvious question being which ones are they then? Quite the evolution from just having a “Michelin skill set”.

But critical evaluation is not what influencers are about: Bostock grinned like a pig in shit as he was presented with a tray groaning with three different burgers and as many different side dishes and portions of fries. It made me wonder – is it like Masterchef and, after a couple of bites, is the rest eaten by the film crew? Anyway, Bostock loved it and awarded what, for him, might be the highest accolade possible. “Boring Burger: what a gaff” he said. That was it: I had to try it now, so off I went to Guildford on a sunny Saturday morning.

You might well know this already, but isn’t Guildford nice by the way? I don’t think I’d visited it since before the pandemic, and I’d forgotten what an agreeable place it is once you’ve crossed an IDR-style thoroughfare and cut through the decidedly retro Friary shopping centre. The other side of that is a rather fetching, gently sloping cobbled high street that reminded me of a cross between Winchester’s High Street and Windsor’s Peascod Street – or would do if the shops in the latter hadn’t all apparently closed and been replaced by phone repair and vape outlets.

No, Guildford is far more well-to-do than that and on its high street and the little lanes that slope off it you can find a who’s who of businesses Reading doesn’t have: Anthropologie; Coppa Club; Joe & The Juice; Le Creuset. At the bottom of the street a busker was doing a perfectly serviceable job of belting out Set Fire To The Rain by Adele, a song which never even tries to explain the impossibility of its title.

The lanes that head up to the castle have interesting stuff in them, too: I stopped at a very nice wine shop called Corkage and picked something up for later. Continuing my stroll I saw the Ivy and the Ivy Asia, and thought that Guildford definitely had some things Reading needn’t envy.

Boring Burger is up one of those lanes, just across from a Giggling Squid and two doors down from Meat The Greek, a souvlaki place I’ve always rather liked. The sun was shining and at about half-twelve all of its orange tables outside were already occupied, although it shares the terrace with its neighbours and so has fewer tables than you might think. Inside was a very no-frills long, thin room with about ten stools crammed together in a line, all facing the wall.

There was a self-service touchscreen at the front, which seemed a bit jarring, and quite a few orders were takeaways, either from the blokes waiting in the queue or the steady stream of delivery drivers. People must have heard about the best thing about the restaurant, those brisket mac and cheese bites.

The clientele was nearly all men, some of them dragging their partners along, and they all looked like they could easily be acolytes of Eating With Tod. If you can’t take a date, take a mate he always vacuously declaims at the end of his reviews: I, like the loser I am, had done neither.

The menu sensibly keeps it narrow. Four different permutations of beefburger, one chicken burger. Nothing vegetarian that I could see, although I’m pretty sure they used to do a portobello mushroom number. Most of the burgers are twelve pounds, though one with fifteen hour braised brisket costs more, as does having an extra smashed patty. Fries are an extra fiver, unless you jazz them up with bacon and cheese sauce or katsu sauce.

There are a couple of sides, mac and cheese bites – with gochujang, not brisket – or buttermilk chicken tenders, which I was always going to struggle to resist: once I saw them on the menu, in the immortal words of Bos Finesse, you don’t ask no further questions. I placed my order, gave them my name and then managed to find an actual low table with a banquette tucked away right at the back of the restaurant. I couldn’t quite believe my luck. A doubled up smashed burger, tenders and fries cost me twenty-eight pounds, and they told me it would be about fifteen minutes.

In reality it was half an hour, but I didn’t mind. It was fun to see the bustle behind the counter, the burgers turning up for the family of four who had camped out in a row at the end of the ledge. One thing all the influencers went on about was Boring Burger’s attention to detail: designing and making their own buns, making all their own sauces, hand-cutting fries every day the way Honest do. In fairness those influencers also talk with wonderment about restaurants “making everything from scratch”, I guess because some of the places they review don’t.

This is an exceptionally silly thing to say about a restaurant whose fame has entirely spread through a visual medium, but Boring Burger’s food really does look terrific when it lands at your table. The bun is burnished and glows, the fries are the perfect shade of golden, the tenders look gnarled and toothsome. I don’t know if I could have popped on my shades and stared at it all day, but fair play to Boring Burger: you eat with your eyes and in that respect you eat very well there. I could see why this stuff appeared in grid after grid.

But could it live up to that when you actually tasted the stuff? In the case of the burger, yes – a hundred times yes. I’d gone for the eponymous Boring Burger, their signature, and it was the best smash burger I’ve had in this country and one of the best I’ve had full stop. The patties were beautiful, especially at the edges where they were crinkled and crispy, the fabulous bits of burger overhanging the perimeter of the bun. Doubling up was probably overkill, but I felt like I ought to do it properly.

The dill pickle, sliced mandolin thin, added crunch and tartness, and the bun – toasted, another nice touch – was the perfect antidote for anybody tired of brioche. Eating With Tod said the buns “hold their shape like a bodybuilder”. Err, I guess. They definitely had the structural integrity to carry the show. No soggy mulch at the bottom as even happens sometimes with Honest’s more overloaded burgers.

Even the bacon – they dry age it themselves, apparently – was bang on. I don’t think I shared everyone else’s wide-eyed enthusiasm about the burger sauce, which was fine but no more, but honestly: this was one of the best burgers I’ve tried. I’ve had ones at this standard in France, but nothing to live up to it in the U.K. – neither Honest nor Reading’s much missed Smash N Grab came close.

That’s why it so disappoints me to say that Boring Burger’s golden touch deserted it with the rest of my order. Fries were meant to come with rosemary and tossed in confit garlic oil, and if they had done I imagine I’d have been as evangelical about them as I was the burger. But they just came, skin on, fried in oil with very little rosemary, which meant that they were about up there with Honest’s chips when Honest has a good day, which it doesn’t always.

For five pounds, on top of the price of the burger, I was hoping to see them glistening with garlic oil and honking of the stuff, so I was disappointed. This is the problem with hyping stuff, you see, it means that something that’s only thoroughly decent can still feel poor. It’s also, by the way, the problem with someone who only creates content to say that everything is absolutely bloody amazing all the time.

Even more disappointing were the tenders. Properly disappointing, and the gulf between style and substance is rarely so marked as this. On paper, and in the photo down there, they look like a profoundly good way to spend eight pounds fifty – huge, drizzled with sauce, bearing the promise of crunch and euphoria.

But they looked good in the way that some people’s lives look good on Instagram, purely cosmetically. Because the coating – wanky food bloggers call it the “dredge” – didn’t have herbs or spices in it. I’m not sure what it did have in it, because all it really tasted of was undercooked flour. Which was strange, because the texture was there, in the coating at least. Yet the chicken breast underneath was a little too firm, a little too easily parted from the shell housing it. It didn’t feel like it had been brined, or if it had something had gone amiss.

The sauces were a gochujang that felt red and anonymous with no funk or complexity and a miso mayo that just tasted of mayo. I was hoping to find something that challenged the primacy of Gurt Wings as the best chicken tenders I’ve ever tasted. Instead, I ate something that made me appreciate Honest Burgers. That wasn’t how that was meant to play out: looking good on camera is all very well, but it’s not everything.

It’s also worth noting that a combination of giant quantities and underwhelming quality meant that I did something I rarely do: I left food. I ate nearly all of the burger, maybe half of the fries and two of my tenders. That partly says that if you go to Boring Burger you should share those things, but it also says that I felt no wrench at all leaving three huge chicken tenders. That’s something that happens about as often as Michael McIntyre saying something funny.

As I left, noting ruefully that a table in the glorious sunshine outside had just come free, I was determined to find some other nice spots in Guildford just to flesh out this review and give you another reason to go there.

So I’m delighted to report that Guildford has a lovely little craft beer spot called Kerrera, down another little alley, where I sat with my people and enjoyed the fruits of them having a tap takeover by Bristol’s Left Handed Giant. They had a menu with very tempting-looking toasted sandwiches on it, and next time I might try them out: their social media is properly winning, and made me want to go back. I was delighted to see they were solidly booked that evening.

After that I walked across town to Canopy Coffee, an Australian owned café with a view overlooking the Waitrose car park. And I had a beautiful latte, in a very tasteful cup, watched people coming and going and thought that Guildford has easily enough going on to justify the forty-five minute, fifteen pound journey on the train. I’m glad I went, and really delighted that the day I visited the sun finally played ball. I didn’t take a date or a mate, but it was quality time nonetheless.

But is Boring Burger worth going to in its own right? Actually, if you like burgers, yes. Its burgers alone, for me, justified that trip and set a bar that I will mentally return to every time I have another burger for at least the next year. So if that’s your kind of thing I can unreservedly recommend the place. Just pair it with the wine bar, or the café, or the craft beer spot, rather than with fries or chicken tenders, and you’ll have a wonderful time.

I doubt any of the influencers who have covered Boring Burger will read this review, and if they did they probably wouldn’t understand a conclusion like this. That’s okay though, because I know by now that you will. It’s called nuance. They should look it up sometime.

The Boring Burger – 7.2
15 Chapel Street, Guildford, GU1 3UL
01483 374090

https://www.instagram.com/theboringburger

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Restaurant review: Rosa’s Thai

On By ediblereadingIn Reviews

Be honest: without scrolling to the bottom, do you have an idea which way this one is going to go?

On one hand Rosa’s Thai is a chain, and has come a long way from its origins as a single restaurant just off Brick Lane. It has close to fifty branches, from Leamington Spa to Liverpool, all that thanks to private equity and, more recently, a whopping £10m more funding from Barclays. And if there’s one thing private equity is good for, as chains from Bill’s to Strada have shown, it’s throttling the soul of an indie restaurant concept as it’s photocopied and plonked in any town and city where vultures like Hicks Baker can find a vacant site.

This is where I slip in the obligatory mention of Rosa’s Thai’s landlord in the old Jackson’s Corner building, noted local philanthropist and walking personification of the Pride Of Reading Awards, John Sykes. Has to be done, I’m afraid. And shall I point out that I had Rosa’s Thai’s Deliveroo Editions takeaway in lockdown and thought it was bang average? Possibly not.

Yet, on the other hand, there are chains and chains. Rosa’s Thai is probably closer to the likes of its near neighbours Honest Burgers and Pho than it is places like Jollibee or Taco Bell, more jewels in the crown than dog ends in the bin. The interior of Rosa’s Thai’s Reading site was dreamt up by local legends Quadrant Design, who did such a beautiful job of Reading’s branch of Honest. The menu, freed of the constraints of only being able to serve dishes that travel, looks interesting, with enough to pique your curiosity.

And let’s not forget, our local media went nuts about the place. I was invited to a soirée at Rosa’s Thai last month by the company handling their PR, and as I don’t do invites I thanked them kindly and said no. But who did pop up on the night of gratis grub? Why, it was our good friends the Reading Chronicle. Because as they put it “when the talented Saiphin Moore – the founder of Rosa’s Thai – offered me a seat at her exclusive opening supper club I would have been a fool to decline”. Or, as they didn’t put it, #AD or #INVITE, words which were conspicuously missing in action in all the social media posts the Chronicle did to promote Rosa’s Thai and its largesse.

Still, you can’t say Rosa’s didn’t get what they paid for, even if the Chronicle got what it didn’t pay for. “The experience begins as soon as you walk through the door when you are greeted by warm and friendly staff pleased to welcome you into the brand-new venue,” the reporter gushed, describing the experience everybody has entering almost any restaurant where you don’t order using a self-service touchscreen.

From that point, the meal at Rosa’s Thai sounded like one culinary orgasm after another. The calamari apparently created a “burst of flavour on the taste buds”. “This first-time diner was salivating over the creamy and rich Massaman Beef Curry,” the reporter went on – surely TMI – before saying that “the curry offers just enough spice to have your tastebuds tingling”. But there was more. “After a taste of all the famous dishes… my taste buds were tingling with both the breathtaking flavours and spices.”

So much tingling, so little time: maybe that’s why they were too flustered to call it out as an advert for Rosa’s Thai. Presumably somebody had to pour the reporter into a taxi at the end of the meal. So I’m not sure why I’m even bothering to write this. Rosa’s Thai clearly has “exquisite food” and “supreme service”: the Chronicle says so, and they would know.

So, a chain backed by private equity, John Sykes as a landlord, an interesting menu, a beautiful fit out and the local paper couldn’t say enough good things about it. Which way was this one going to go? If you have a good idea of that already, you’re doing infinitely better than I was when I turned up with Zoë on a weekday evening to check it out.

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Restaurant review: Creperie Doux Sourire

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I’ve written before about the factors that make a restaurant perfect for solo dining: a good table that doesn’t face a wall or, worse still, the bogs; a great view to enable people watching; a menu that doesn’t make you feel like you’re missing out – no small plates or other “everything has to be shared” formats – and staff that respect rather than judge the choice made by solo diners.

Get all that right and, whether you’re up at the window at Mama’s Way or tucked away in a corner of London Street Brasserie, you’ll have a brilliant time. Take a book, if you want to pretend you’re not going to scroll your phone, order a glass of wine, sit back and enjoy. I really like solo dining these days: so much so, in fact, that I was even quoted to that effect in the Independent. Fancy, right?

The criteria for picking a restaurant to review on your own, though? That’s another kettle of fish.

The thing is, reviewing restaurants is about giving readers a representative picture of what a place is like to eat at. Some of that – the room, the service, the view, the background music – is largely the same whether you have a table for 1 or 11, this is true. But it falls down when you come to the food, because in many restaurants you want to see a decent range of what the kitchen can do. With two of you, that can be six dishes – more, if you’re greedy. On your tod it risks giving a lopsided perspective.

What that means is that when I review solo, I think some kinds of restaurants lend themselves especially well to that. Places where most of the dishes – be they pizza, tacos, momo or biryani – are variations on a single theme are ideal: I may like or love my pizza, for instance, but the one someone else might have eaten with me will share a lot of its DNA. It’s a safer bet that my view of that restaurant will be a typical one.

Casual places tend to be better too, because people are more likely to eat at those alone, possibly in a rush – although it’s a hill I will die on that an unhurried solo meal is one of life’s great joys. And some restaurants are particularly unsuited to reviewing solo, and here’s where the overlap with the opening paragraph comes in: anywhere with small plates or dishes designed for sharing, for instance, is a bust.

I always think of my poor friend Jerry, who went on a solo holiday to Valencia determined to try paella, only to find that the restaurants there would only serve it for two people; he came home with a paella pan but no first hand experience of the city’s most famous dish. Personally I’d have ordered for two, got them to box up the leftovers and eaten them in my hotel room the next day, but Jerry is far less gluttonous than I am (and awfully nice and polite, for that matter).

The reason I tell you all this is that this week’s review was meant to be of a fancy food pub out in the sticks, the kind of place that as a non-driver I don’t review anywhere near as often as you might like. But my dining companion, who has a lovely car and enjoys giving it a run-out, cancelled on me at fairly short notice, leaving me looking at my to do list and scratching my head, trying to work out the best option.

So this week you nearly got a review of Paesinos, the new pizza place that has opened opposite Jackson’s Corner, a perfect candidate because one pizza will tell you if the dough, the base and the tomato sauce are good. And I nearly dropped in next door instead to Just Momo: even the name suggests they only do one thing, although they offer chow mein too. I also considered Biryani Mama, although their name is misleading as biryani is a fraction of the dozens of dishes on their menu: they do more different kinds of chicken starter than biryanis, for crying out loud.

I swerved all those places because I had a better option in mind. Creperie Doux Sourire (it translates as “sweet smile”, and if you thought it meant “two mice” you and that Duolingo owl need to have a word) has been open since late last year in the glass-fronted site on the Oracle Riverside next to Vue Cinema. It’s their second branch: the first opened last May in the salubrious surroundings of Windsor station, although it looks like it was either a replacement or a rebrand for a wine bar called Gregory & Tapping that used to occupy that pitch.

I thought it merited a visit if only for being unique: after all, if you did want pizza, momo or biryani those places I mentioned are hardly trailblazers, but opening a creperie in a funny little spot that was previously home to a Starbucks for what felt like forever struck me as a brave move. And I was right: when it first opened there was a slightly withering response online, both in comments on the Reading Chronicle‘s Facebook page, where you’d expect such things, and the Reading subreddit, where you might not. The general feeling was that it was a lot of money to spend on a pancake, along with a suspicion that it was something of a gimmick.

But actually, I thought it had potential. I remember eating buckwheat galettes in the Marais, with an earthenware cup of Breton cider, and thinking it was faintly marvellous. On many stays in Bristol I’d walked past the gloriously Gallic Chez Marcel, in the heart of the old city, and bemoaned the fact that I already had lunch plans. Besides, Doux Sourire’s website made many encouraging noises, talking about local ingredients and, if the menu was to be believed, buying the best from both home and abroad, the likes of Ogleshield and Tunworth rubbing shoulders with Serrano ham.

So Creperie Doux Sourire was idiosyncratic, it was slap bang in the middle of Reading and, with the recent demise of Mission Burrito, it was the only independent restaurant on the Oracle Riverside. I figured that alone had to make it worth a shot so on a weekday, on my ownsome, I turned up early evening to take my table for one.

When you consider what a sterile space this could be, I think Doux Sourire has done a good job of making it homely. It felt much more spacious than the Starbucks used to be, and lining so many tables against the full length windows meant you had a fighting chance of looking into the room rather than out on the rainswept Riverside. They had one of those glass fireboxes by the entrance and, pleasingly, French music was playing.

My table was tucked away in the corner. It gave me a good look into the room, and I liked it – the tables were rustic without being rudimentary, and you could see dozens of bags of flour stacked away behind the counter. The shelves on either side, with creepy dolls looking down from them, were less successful: I’m not sure what the thought processes behind that were. French farmhouse is a very winning aesthetic, haunted French farmhouse less so.

But the welcome was warm and immediate, and my server brought over a couple of blackboards with a handful of specials on them – a salad and a soup on one, a couple of crêpes on the other. Doux Sourire’s menu overall felt more to me like a lunch menu than a dinner one, a sentiment arguably reinforced by the fact that the place shuts at 9pm. There were a handful of toasties, a cheeseboard, a baked Tunworth and hand carved jamon, or otherwise you had one of the crêpes. Toasties came in just under a tenner and the crêpes ranged from twelve to sixteen, more if you wanted your crêpe made with buckwheat flour.

So it was tricky to take a starters, mains, desserts approach to the place, although I did my best: it’s the responsibility you bear when you dine on your own, you see, to try and cover as many bases as you can. But first, wine. I expected this to be a strong point, given Doux Sourire’s origins as a Windsor wine bar, and the list was compact – five whites, three reds, an orange and a rosé, all available both by the glass and the bottle. I was a little disappointed not to see any Breton cider, a traditional accompaniment to this sort of thing, and the beer selection was limited too, although it had a couple from Marlow brewery Rebellion.

My red, a pinot noir, came out in a chunky, rustic, stemless bowl of a glass, and as the strains of C’est Si Bon floated through the restaurant I thought that this, on paper, had the potential to be absolutely my kind of place. A warm welcome, a good glass of wine, non-stop chansons and galettes, the kind of bubble of Francophile otherness Reading hadn’t quite had since Forbury’s closed. Sign me up, I thought.

My starter didn’t offer conclusive proof that Doux Sourire would be that sort of place. I’d gone for the special, the cauliflower soup with truffle oil. I never order soup, but I had a feeling that a toastie then a galette would have been too samey, so soup it was. And bits of it worked – the texture was velvety, and the squiggle of truffle oil offered something without overpowering everything. I am as dismissive of truffle oil as a quick cheat as the next person, but it had its place here.

The problem wasn’t what was there, it’s what wasn’t: the truffle offered a little contrast but otherwise the soup was all sweetness without anything to offset it and make it interesting. When my soup was brought over I also took custody of a little salt and pepper mill. I think in all the years I’ve been reviewing restaurants I have never seasoned anything I’ve eaten, unless it’s chips, but about halfway through this soup I broke out the salt mill. As I did so I couldn’t help wishing the kitchen had taken care of this for me.

The thing that redeemed the soup was the sourdough bread that came with it, and a brilliant accident. The menu talked about the soup and bread and said ADD CHEESE £2.00. Now, I assumed this meant I’d get some to top the soup with, but that was my happy mistake. Because what I got instead was a thick slab of sourdough completely enveloped in cheese, toasted until golden and brown-spotted. And it was absolutely divine. Somehow the bread was almost totally smothered in cheese – practically on both sides – and the whole thing was a treat.

It didn’t go with the soup, you couldn’t really eat it with the soup. But for two quid, your fair to middling soup was accompanied by a magical slice of cheese on toast. I couldn’t decide whether this reflected well or badly on Doux Sourire, so it was probably a bit of both. It also made me think that coming here for a toastie at lunchtime was a good idea: if they could do this with one slice of bread, imagine what they could do with two! But Doux Sourire’s menu is funny in this respect: for toasties it trots out Paysan Breton brie or a nameless goats cheese, whereas elsewhere on the menu cheese royalty – especially Ogleshield – is left unable to achieve its full potential.

My pinot noir, by the way, was disappointing. It wasn’t unpleasant, but for a tenner I thought it was a little thin and unremarkable, a rather one-dimensional mixture of cherry and oak. I ordered a viognier to follow up, and again although I liked it enough I thought it was unspecial. I’d obviously been ruined for wine in general and French wine in particular by my recent visit to Paulette, but I expected a bit more from a place which was at least slightly wine-led, very proudly French and descended from a wine bar. Je Ne Regrette Rien was playing in the background, and I wasn’t sure I could completely identify with the blessed Edith.

One of the specials, a rather avant-garde combination of crêpe filled with ragu, was off the menu but never mind – with my unerring ability to sniff out the most expensive thing on the menu I’d ordered something called the Spaniard. It was sort of Spanish, but on paper it was more like an advert for European unity, incorporating as it did Serrano ham, a buckwheat galette, pesto, sundried tomato and cheddar. I make that easily four nations on one plate.

I’d picked it because Doux Sourire makes much of its hand-carved jamon, and I don’t think I know of anywhere in Reading, with the possible exception of Thames Lido, that has ever done this. And god knows I’ve moaned about it enough over the years, so when it did crop up on a menu I felt duty bound to order it. The chap proudly told me that they carve it themselves, and told me there’d be a slight delay as they had just finished a ham. So I saw him take another one out of – I’m not making this up – a cardboard box, place it in the jamonera (the fancy stand thing with the clamps) and, with great ceremony, take the first slices off it.

I took a picture of the ham being carved and sent it to Zoë, having dinner up in London on a rare night away with work. I’m popping this ham’s cherry, I said.

Fucking hell came the response. It might just be the best thing in the Oracle since I left. You can quote me on that.

And again, the theory was so good but the practice is what counts, because you can’t eat theory. My buckwheat galette turned up looking the part, and you couldn’t argue with the sheer quantity of jamon – a big heap of it on top and an awful lot stuffed inside, so much that it could actually be hard to cut. But I wasn’t entirely sure that this mishmash of ingredients showed anything off to its best effect. The ham was, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, overkill, and although it was better than the clammy packet stuff you so often get in the U.K. it didn’t have that melting, savoury quality you get in the best of the Spanish stuff. Maybe it would be better served on its own – you can get a platter of it for eighteen pounds – but in a galette it just got lost.

And again, the mixture of the good and the ordinary was a problem here. So the ham was decent, if not the best, but the pesto felt shop-bought, with that vinegary note that suggested it wasn’t just made of basil, pine nuts, parmesan and really good oil. The cheese was decent enough, but the sundried tomatoes had that feeling too, of being entry-level supermarket fare. And although the balsamic glaze wasn’t as overkill as it could have been, it felt unnecessary. Doux Sourire drizzles it on all of their savoury crêpes, and if you ask me they shouldn’t. I’m not sure a pile of leaves, also drizzled but not dressed, added much.

All of this detracted from what could have been a very enjoyable, buttery galette, which should have been the feature attraction. And just to add to the onslaught of constructive criticism, in most of the places I’ve eaten or seen crêpes, they are assembled by folding the edges in, creating a square shape. For this one, Doux Sourire just folded the whole thing in half, and what that meant was that the filling was very unevenly distributed, with a lot of it in the middle and none of it at the edges.

This reads like a demolition of something I didn’t mind, but it’s more motivated by frustration that it could have been better. Doux Sourire has a limited menu, most of which consists of permutations of a couple of things, so it stands or falls on the quality of its ingredients, and that’s where I felt like there were mixed messages throughout. And the other reason why this is important is that my crêpe cost eighteen pounds fifty. Some of the challenges I’ve heard about Doux Sourire’s pricing feel a little misjudged – after all, we think nothing of paying fifteen quid for pizza – but even I thought this was a lot of money for something that didn’t quite hit the target.

I felt a moral responsibility to stay for dessert, so I had the baked cheesecake. You get to pick your toppings, and one of them was caramel sauce, so I went for that. The menu said that all Doux Sourire’s desserts were home-made – most of them are sweet crêpes or waffles – and I could believe this was true. But again, I noticed the flaws more than I should have. The texture of it didn’t feel especially baked, and the biscuit base was so thick that getting a fork through it felt like a series of high risk manoeuvres.

I had gone for caramel sauce, hoping to get a caramel au beurre salé, but it was more like the generic butterscotch syrup you so often see instead, and there was too much of it. Little nubbins of what could have been toffee had been strewn on top. It was my mistake to pick this, as it detracted from what could have been a perfectly serviceable cheesecake with a hint of lemon, notwithstanding the huge plate of baked biscuit it was standing on. I suspect a better option would be a sweet crêpe, but that’s the other thing about Doux Sourire’s menu: limited replay value, you see. Speaking of replay, I was pretty sure we were on to our second rendition of La Vie En Rose coming through the speakers by then.

I was by no means the last customer, but as I settled up – sixty quid including tip – I spoke to both my servers. They were absolutely lovely and really attentive throughout, and told me that they’d been open since October and things were going well. They have regular jazz nights which are booked out in advance, and I can see they could be a lot of fun.

I found myself really pleased that their brave experiment was succeeding, so far, and as I paid my bill and thanked them and told them I’d had a nice time I did also find myself wondering, before it was even begun, how I would end this review. The Oracle was a bleak place at half past eight, and two people in quick succession asked me if I had any change. I walked to my bus stop past Côte, still doing a very brisk trade on the Wednesday before payday. What would sixty pounds have bought you there?

So yes, this is hard. The romantic in me wants to give Doux Sourire a higher mark because I want it to be good and brilliant, the combination of the wine bar Reading still needs and the French bubble it hasn’t had for too long. And I want to give them a higher mark because they really seem to care, and the service was excellent. I want to give them a higher mark than this for lots of reasons, but if I did I would be awarding the rating they might have one day, rather than the one they have now.

I hope that as they settle in they sort out their inconsistencies and find a place in Reading’s affections. If it was in my gift, which it isn’t, I would get them to stock more and better wine, and exclusively French wine at that. I would look at a menu that feels too narrow, and find a way to make better use of their produce, and for that matter I would get better produce. I’d maybe lose the creepy dolls from the shelves, while we’re at it, but I’d keep the music and the service. But am I talking now about what Doux Sourire could be, or am I, like James Stewart in Vertigo, trying to just shape it into what I really want?

Perhaps they’ll do perfectly fine as they are. I do sort of hope so. I may well drop in for a toastie one lunchtime, and a coffee – they have a big Victoria Arduino espresso machine, a serious piece of kit – and when I do I hope to see them prospering. I might go on my own, though. It’s that kind of place.

Creperie Doux Sourire – 6.8
Unit R19, The Riverside, RG1 2AG
0118 2294645

https://www.creperiedouxsourire.co.uk

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Restaurant review: Paulette, Little Venice

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Formosa Street, an enclave in Little Venice less than twenty minutes’ walk from Paddington Station, could be the platonic ideal of a London street. It has a little cafe, a chocolate shop, a ludicrously handsome Victorian pub with wood-panelled walls and glass compartments, with tiny doors linking them together. It has a little Italian restaurant that has been there thirty years, and a craft beer place two doors down, the past and the present coexisting cheerfully.

It doesn’t have a butcher, although there’s one just round the corner on Clifton Road. But tucked away seconds from the Tube station, one stop away from Paddington, a stone’s throw from the strikingly modernist St Saviour’s Church, it is a deeply pretty pocket of London that few people know about. If this was your neighbourhood, you would be very happy indeed. Of course, if this was your neighbourhood you would also be filthy rich.

I’ve frequented this part of the world, on and off, for many years. I think I ate in that Italian restaurant not long after it opened, and I’ve drunk in the handsome Victorian pub a fair few times. Just before lockdown, I tried out the craft beer place a couple of times, and I’ve admired the steeple of that modernist church on more occasions than I can recall. I am no closer to living there, or even pretending that I could do, but it’s nice to try to pretend.

Just before lockdown, five years ago, Zoë and I went for dinner at a small French restaurant on Formosa Street called Les Petits Gourmets. At the time, I had the idea of publishing some London reviews, of places close to Paddington, thinking they might be useful to people wanting somewhere good to eat before grabbing an off peak train home. And it might have been a good plan, if I hadn’t hatched it about a fortnight before people stopped taking trains in general, going to the office or indeed leaving their houses.

So I never wrote a review of Les Petits Gourmets, although that might have been for the best because it was small, eccentric and nuts. On arriving we were told that their oven had packed up, so we could have whatever we liked from the menu as long as it was something they could cook on the hob. The place was dark and atmospheric, our table tiny and cramped. Another table, weirdly shaped and right next to the bar, with a couple of high stools, was so bad that a couple came in, were offered the table, had a shouting match with the staff and stormed out.

I can’t remember anything about what I ate, but I do remember that. And I was tempted to publish a review, if only because it was so surreal, but what would have been the point? It was just a place you would never have heard of, and a review that wouldn’t have sent you rushing there, at a time when you couldn’t have rushed there anyway – even if, for whatever reason, a dingy spot with no working oven and some shocking tables was right up your alley.

I thought no more about Les Petits Gourmets, really, until last summer when I read a rave review in the Standard of a French restaurant in Little Venice called Paulette. I know that area, I thought. I wonder where it is? And then I checked the address, and thought Isn’t that where that weird French place used to be? And then I Googled some more and discovered that it was exactly where that used to be, and opened later in 2020. Les Petits Gourmets was an early casualty of the pandemic: perhaps the cost of fixing that oven was the final straw.

The review I read of Paulette made it sound like everything I had wanted its predecessor to be, so I made a booking there and on a drizzly Saturday morning I caught the train up into London, ready for a long overdue lunch with my cousin Luke, last seen as baffled as I was by supercool Haggerston spot Planque. Fun fact: both Planque and Paulette featured in Conde Nast Traveller‘s listicle last summer of London’s best on-trend French restaurants although, as we will see, they couldn’t be more different.

The walk from Paddington is a lovely one. You start out exiting the station right by the Paddington Basin and cross over it, right by the floating barge restaurants, walking past craft beer and pizza spots and impossibly spenny-looking modern apartment complexes. The route ducks under the grime and bustle of the Westway and then, suddenly, everything is beautiful: the streets widen and are flanked with gorgeous redbrick mansions, huge buildings made up of pinch-me-if-I-live-here flats. And then you’re at the canal, and you wonder how such a fetching residential area can be hiding in plain sight here, in Zone 1.

I stopped for a latte at the brilliant D1 Coffee, a stone’s throw from the waterway, and thought to myself that as usual I was trying to pass myself off as congruous in a neighbourhood far, far above my station. I chatted to the couple next to me about giving up smoking – something I did twenty years ago and still think of as one of my greatest achievements – and as we did, countless cosmopolitan types ambled past, walking dogs or just chatting happily. One was carrying a MUBI tote, and I wondered how it had happened that I’d wound up living in a postcode so far from my tribe. It’s almost as if I just hadn’t tried hard enough to make something of myself.

I got to Paulette before Luke did, and it was unrecognisable from the room I’d eaten unsuccessfully in five years before. Still eccentric, yes: all mismatched patterns on the walls and ceilings, mismatched cloths on the tables, mismatched light fittings, all maximalist and unashamed. But it was bright, cheery and welcoming. Even with the canary yellow awning out, light flooded in from the full length windows and all the tables were full of people who seemed profoundly happy with their life choices. I ordered a kir while I waited for my cousin, and it was sweet sunshine, a liquid escape from rainy London. Even noticing that the gorgeous Victorian boozer opposite was closed for renovations couldn’t dent my joie de vivre.

Nor could the discovery, when Luke turned up and ordered a Meteor Zero, that he was off the sauce. He explained that he’d bust his hip and that alcohol interfered with his rehabilitation regime: news to me, as I’ve always found Dr. Booze an invaluable consultant I’ve involved in my recovery from pretty much anything affecting me.

I thought it would bother Luke, a man who runs more marathons in a year than I’ve eaten Marathon bars in my lifetime, but he was surprisingly sanguine about it. “I figure everything goes through a fallow period” he told me later in the pub, showing a kind of Zen perspective I’d have loved to have twenty years ago when I was his age: come to think of it, I haven’t attained that mindset even now.

That meant that I had to forego the delights and dilemmas of choosing a bottle from the enormous wine list, seemingly covering all of France in compendious detail. But it wasn’t all bad – just under twenty wines were available by the glass, a great spread including half a dozen dispensed using a Coravin. I picked a Sancerre, which was terrific, and we started doing a bad job of making our choices from the menu and a much better job of catching up.

The menu was a tad lopsided, with about a dozen starters and half that of mains, but everything on there was tempting. Many of the things I’d read about in advance and hoped to encounter, like a Roscoff onion tarte tatin with mascarpone, were missing in action, but even so the challenge was very much what you missed out on, as much as what you picked. On another day you would have wound up hearing about the classic onion soup, the scallops or the halibut with sauce Meunière, but I will have to try them next time, assuming they haven’t been whipped off the menu by then.

As it was Luke and I agreed to share a few things to try and cover as much as we could, helped by pricing which encouraged you to try a bit of everything. Starters tended to be at or around the fifteen pound mark, with mains mostly between thirty and forty quid. But everything was so fabulous, and generous, that I didn’t object to that in the slightest.

We kicked off proceedings with a small selection of charcuterie, which was easily enough for both of us. All of it was marvellous, from the bresaola to the pork loin but especially the coppa, dried and intense, and a doozy of a jambon de Bayonne: again, dry and coarse, which very much said tiens ma bière to both Serrano and Parma ham. This came with bread (which should be a given but isn’t always), butter (which was a very welcome surprise) and, best of all, a ramekin containing a deeply acceptable quantity of sharp, tart cornichons.

Fourteen pounds for all that, and for a pound more our second starter was every bit as stellar. I love pâté en croute, and Paulette’s version was the best I’ve tried – a glorious slab of heaven, golden burnished pastry housing coarse pâté, shot through with dark prunes. On occasion I’ve had this kind of dish in Paris and it’s been painfully close to Pedigree Chum, but no such worries here: no dodgy jelly, just densely packed meat – pork and duck in this case – topped with yet more pickles and a quenelle of exceptional whole grain mustard. A very well-dressed salad completed an impeccable plate of food.

I wish I’d had one of these to myself, but to do that I’d have had to go without the charcuterie. This is the problem with sharing food, isn’t it: you always end up wanting twice as much of everything, everywhere, all at once. I was about to start a sentence with Next time, but I’ll try to stop myself or I’ll be doing it for the rest of the review. Truth be told, even by this point the only question in my mind was when exactly that next time would be. It was already a given that it would happen.

I gave Luke first pick of the main courses and, torn between the fillet of beef and the bourguignon, he eventually chose the latter. He chose extremely well. The pan brought to his table was a one-stop shop of pure happiness – a deep, reduced sauce full of wine and care, with a few waxy potatoes, plenty of mushrooms and a transverse beast of a carrot, heftily substantial and yet superbly cooked.

But of course, none of that gets top billing in the name of the dish, and this all comes down to the beef itself. I’m used to having this dish with shin or chuck, but Paulette opted for beef cheeks and, with hindsight, it was an inspired choice. The food writer Harry Eastwood once said that cheek was perfect for this dish as, in her words, “the meat surrenders completely”. I can’t improve on that description, so I’ve nicked it instead.

And it’s true, but only if the kitchen is absolutely on top of its game and the beef is braised to the point where any gelatinous quality is gone, replaced with that terrific stickiness where the beef and the sauce become a symbiotic dream team. That’s what had happened here, and it was a wondrous thing. Trying a forkful I thought back to my friend Graeme’s bourguignon at Côte the previous month, and the difference between good and great. The difference, it turns out, is nine quid and forty miles.

“This is the best French food I can remember eating” said Luke. I’m a relatively frequent visitor to France, but I could see what he meant.

If I had been Luke, I would have wished that I’d saved some bread to mop up that final layer of sauce coating the bottom of the pan. But if I’d been Luke he’d probably have a forty inch waist and far less success online dating and would get over the disappointment of busting his hip (which would be more likely to happen by, say, getting out of bed awkwardly) by medicating with the finest mid-price reds the restaurant had to offer. Instead I offered him some of my frites, and after refusing twice – he is Canadian after all, so awfully polite – he took me up on my offer.

I’ve seen quite a few reviews online talk about how Paulette does the capital’s best frites. They might or they might not: I’ve had nowhere near enough frites in London to be qualified to judge, but they were up there with the best frites I’ve had in this country or any other, irregular, golden, salted and decidedly moreish. They were so good I wasn’t sad that I didn’t get to try the gratin Dauphinois, and frites have to be pretty damned good for that to happen.

My frites accompanied my order from the specials board, duck breast cooked pink, sliced and served simply with a boat of what was described as a duck velouté, in practice one of those ultra-reduced, fantastically concentrated sauces that French cuisine seems to do better than almost anybody else.

I’ve had duck breast many, many times in my life and a lot of the time, afterwards, I wonder if I’m doing it because I think I should like it rather than because I do. It’s often a tad tough, a smidge fatty, somewhat poorly rested: much like me, most weekday mornings. This was more like me after a full day in Nirvana Spa, utterly relaxed, thoroughly cosseted, treated like a king.

The analogy breaks down at that point, because this duck was also enormously tasty and I imagine most people wouldn’t be able to get enough of it. But it was good while it lasted.

By this point I had moved on to a Saumur, which was perfect with the duck: Paulette has the sort of outstanding staff who will compliment you on each of your wine choices even though you’re the poor schmuck muddling your way through the list of wines by the glass.

Luke and I decided to eat as Frenchly as possible, which meant a cheese course and then some dessert: the wine list distinguishes, winningly, between “cheese wines” and “dessert wines” so I nabbed something from the former section, a 1986 Muscadet. I have no doubt the Coravin was involved here, and the result was stunning, an amber marvel with a hint of sherry sweetness, outstanding complexity and length. A 50ml pour, in this case, was plenty.

Paulette does a small or large assiette de fromages with three or five cheeses respectively, and they are in principle a deli too, so I did wonder whether you could pick which cheeses you had. When our server authoritatively told us you got a Comte, a truffled brie and a Saint Nectaire I realised this was a choice best left to the experts, so that’s what we had.

The picture here probably doesn’t fully convey this, but it was a generous wodge of each, easily enough to share without needing a scalpel and a protractor. They were all outstanding: the Comte with all the crystalline grit you would want, the Saint Nectaire, not a cheese I’d ever seek out, bringing a savoury depth to justify its seat at the table.

But the truffled brie – oh my goodness. Luke and I agreed that we shared a suspicion about truffle being brought out to zhuzh up the ordinary, but in this case it turned a gooey, creamy delight into a total showstopper. As with the charcuterie, this came with a generous helping of bread but once we had finished all of the bread and nearly all of the cheese the twinkliest of our servers returned with a couple more slices, urging us to use them to clean up the very last of the brie. We did as we were told.

Normally I would have a different dessert to my dining companion, but I figured we’d got through a decent range of dishes already and I’d seen the chocolate mousse being carried past to other tables and decided there was no way I was leaving without trying it. I mean, just look at it in the picture below: a stegosaurus of a thing, plump and shiny, with a spine of caramelised hazelnuts sitting in a pastel-green lake of pistachio crème Anglaise. How could I not order that? How could anybody?

And it tasted every bit as beautiful as it looked. By now I’m used to chocolate mousses in fancy Spanish places where they drizzle it with extra virgin olive oil and pop some salt crystals on top, the modish way to revamp a staple. But this had no interest in playing those tricks, so like everything else at Paulette it was a classic rendition of a classic dish, prepared by a kitchen that revered the classics.

Don’t get me wrong – there is a place for deconstructing, reconstructing and reinventing, and I’m a fan of those things as much as anyone. But whatever that place is it isn’t Paulette, I’m very glad to say. This was a dark, glossy miracle – so smooth, almost not aerated at all, and I wished every spoonful could have lasted hours. The final spoonful, as it always does with such dishes, came too soon, and I found myself wishing there was some sweet equivalent of bread I could use to mop up those last bits of crème Anglaise. Maybe that, rather than ruining burgers, is the point of brioche.

When you book lunch at Paulette you get that standard issue we want your table back in X hours gubbins that London restaurants so often do. But none of that happened here, and over three hours after I ordered that kir pretty much every table was occupied by somebody new despite it still being mid-afternoon, the evening service around the corner.

I’ve never understood restaurant reviewers who insist on eating at a place twice before writing a review – mainly because they need to get over themselves – but if I could have eaten at Paulette again that evening I would have seriously considered it. But the craft beer place a couple of doors down was calling to us, and the pub after that, so it was time to reluctantly pay for the wonderful time we had had. Our bill for two, all that food, a couple of beers for Luke and five different glasses of wine for me, came to just over two hundred and ten pounds, including a 13.5% service charge. It felt as much like a bargain as I suspect any meal will this year.

Later on, Luke and I were in the Bear, just around the corner from Paddington, having one last drink and comparing notes before going our separate ways.

“The only thing that stops it getting the highest mark, for me” said Luke, “was that it just lacked that thing that would make it a truly transcendental experience. That and the bread, I guess, the bread could have been better.”

I knew what Luke meant, but I also suspected that looking at Paulette that way missed an important point, which was that Paulette had no interest in being that kind of restaurant or delivering that kind of experience. It was more interested in transporting you completely by delivering something unfussy and unfancy but, in its way, truly outstanding. Paulette was about as good an example of this kind of restaurant as it’s possible to find, and I loved it. Absolutely loved it, unreservedly, from start to finish.

It’s twenty minutes from Paddington, and Paddington is thirty minutes from Reading. Just think about that: you could be at Reading station, and within an hour you could be eating in this place. If I don’t do so a couple more times this year, I will be extremely surprised, not to mention deeply disappointed. I know most of my London reviews, lately, have been of spots in the centre where you hop on the Elizabeth Line to get there, very much a tribute to the march of progress in the capital. But this? Simply timeless.

Paulette – 9.3
18 Formosa Street, London, W9 1EE
020 72862715

https://www.paulettelondon.com

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