Pub review: The Jolly Cricketers, Seer Green

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There are many restaurants I would love to visit but know, realistically, that I never will. You only have so many hours in the day, weeks of annual leave and pounds in your current account. I may never eat in San Francisco, or New York. I might never get back to Montreal, a city I loved nearly twenty-five years ago, to eat my way round it.

Zoë and I try to do at least one trip every year to a place we’ve never been together: in 2024 that was Lisbon, last year Oviedo. This year – next month, in fact – it’s Glasgow: if you have any Glasgow recommendations, put them in the comments. But that’s slow progress, and the list of places I would like to go will see me out, even if I were to devote myself to that and nothing else.

In this country, right at the top of that list sits the Parkers Arms, a pub in Lancashire’s Forest of Bowland, a beautiful part of the country by all accounts. I would defy you to look at the Parkers Arms’ Instagram or read any of the many breathless reviews of the place online and not want to eat everything proprietor Stosie Madi cooks up, from pies to langoustine, from pasta to partridge. Clay’s owners Nandana and Sharat are enormous fans, and when people who cook that well admire somebody’s work you do rather sit up and pay attention.

But I am not a driver, and if you live in this part of the country getting to Newton-In-Bowland is a challenge to put it lightly. By the looks of it, if I caught the bus from outside my house at just past 1 o’clock and absolutely everything went my way, I could be there just in time for dinner. I’d be absolutely broke, have nowhere to stay and no way to get home, but I guess I could just about do it.

Plus of course if I ate there once – me being me – I would be devastated at all the things on the menu I’d missed out on, and then I’d wonder how I could manage to do it again. Sadly the likes of Bruges and Málaga are quicker, easier and cheaper to get to than bits of our own country: that’s public transport for you.

But as it happens, Madi is indirectly responsible, via a strange chain of events, for this week’s review. For the last couple of years she’s been incredibly supportive of my writing, which I think she discovered through my slightly crabby review of Planque, Vittles‘ favourite London restaurant, and occasionally she’s recommended reviews of mine through her own social media. That led to me being followed on Instagram by the Jolly Cricketers, a pub in the Chilterns that I’ve always known of by reputation.

Then, one day last month, the Jolly Cricketers contacted me and asked if I’d ever consider reviewing them. Owner Amanda told me that she had run the pub, at the heart of its village, for coming up to eighteen years and said that any friend of the Parkers Arms was a friend of theirs. I said I would see what I could do, but that it wasn’t the easiest place to get to by public transport, and they said they completely understood. “Maybe one Friday you’ll find I’ve eaten at yours, when the review goes up”, I told them. “Maybe one day”, they said.

That did make me think. After all, the Jolly Cricketers was a darned sight easier to get to than the Parkers Arms, so perhaps I owed it to both pubs – and myself, of course – to make the bloody effort to get to the one I could reach. It was less than an hour in the car, or I could take a couple of trains. It took two hours, but what else was I going to do on a Saturday?

And then life took one of those unexpected turns. My dad died, and the venue we picked for his celebration of life – we didn’t, as a matter of policy, use the F word – was a lovely venue halfway between Beaconsfield and Gerrard’s Cross, deep in the Chilterns. When I looked it up on Google Maps, I couldn’t help but notice, because in the midst of death we are in life, a couple of minutes’ drive north of the venue… was that the village the Jolly Cricketers was in? It was, and so I booked a table for the day after my old man’s sendoff. I told myself it’s what he would have wanted.

By the time the day came, it was exactly what I needed. And that’s not to say that his sendoff the day before, the day he would have turned 80, hadn’t been lovely, because it was. The music, picked with expert assistance from Zoë, was spot on (a bit of Dylan, James Taylor, Scottish folk singer Archie Fisher and Fantasia On A Theme By Thomas Tallis). The pictures of my dad captured him just right: there he was looking suspiciously down the lens at me in one; holding one of his extensive collection of fountain pens in another; behind the wheel of his beloved Mustang in a third.

My brother Matthew, back from Australia, made a beautiful speech, and I read a poem my dad had written in anticipation of the day he left us, feeling like a pale imitation. And there were people from every stage of his life: his family, all the way back from his childhood in Bristol; friends from his badminton era; his tango era; his performance poetry era; neighbours; my mum and my stepfather, paying their respects.

It was as good an event as those events can possibly be, and when we had drinks afterwards in the nearby hotel it became clear that everybody had learned at least something new about my father, a complicated cryptic crossword of a man at the best of times. “I never knew about the poetry” said my cousin Wayne, sipping his cider from the bottle. “I didn’t know him that well” said a neighbour of his, “and after today, hearing all that, I wish I’d known him better.”

You and me both, I almost said, but I was glad that the celebration of his life had made people realise it was a life worth celebrating. Afterwards, when everyone had taken their leave Matthew, my stepmother Tricia, Zoë and I had a late meal in the hotel restaurant and agreed that we had done a good job of honouring his memory. The question of what next? hung there unspoken: that was for the future.

But when I woke up the following morning, wrestling with an unfamiliar shower in the hotel bathroom, it hit me: he was gone. He’d been gone already, of course, but now he was gone gone. And I felt that flatness everybody told me I would inevitably feel at some point. I congratulated past me on booking somewhere nice for lunch for this new phase, this unfamiliar landscape. Even if it hadn’t been what my dad would have wanted, it was what I needed.

But first my brother, Zoë and I did something rather magical. A short walk from the centre of Beaconsfield is Bekonscot, the oldest model village in the world. It’s close to celebrating its centenary, and I found it enormously touching that it had survived all this time, a little time capsule of Merrie England in the Thirties which managed to be wholesome and beautiful rather than some kind of billboard for the bullshit Britain Brexiteers want us to return to. My dad wasn’t even born when it welcomed its first visitors, and wouldn’t be for over sixteen years.

I’ve spent much of the winter and spring watching Gilmore Girls and Zoë would quite like to live in Stars Hollow rather than Reading (although I’d run out of places to review very quickly). But Bekonscot might give it a run for its money: at the risk of channelling my inner Bill Bryson, it is an utterly magnificent place and I rather feel everybody should go there and experience the sense of wonder at least once.

Everywhere I looked the attention to detail was incredible – there was a railway with multiple stations, a cable car, a harbour, a pier, a gorgeous deco Tube station. A football match played out by the riverbank, the picture house advertised a motion picture starring Oscar Winna and Carrie Zmatik, folks danced round the maypole outside a handsome church, the little train chuffed from one stop to the next, adults and kids towered over every diorama, peering, fascinated, taking photos.

And there I was with my brother, on the first day of this new phase, going round a model village together, somehow a lot more adult than we had been a couple of days before, or the month before that. That makes it all sound sad, which it wasn’t completely, but it was poignant all the same. Would my dad have enjoyed Bekonscot? He was an engineer, he would have appreciated the precision. But the answer is that I didn’t know, and now I had no way of finding out: now that, that is sad.

It’s just over a five minute drive from Bekonscot to Seer Green, proudly proclaimed on the signs as “The Cherry Pie Village”. It really is a gorgeous place, and the Jolly Cricketers is in a beautiful spot one side of the churchyard. Even the church, in the sunshine, was delightful: tables and chairs out in case you wanted to stop and rest, a cafe inside with its own Instagram account. And the pub was a picture postcard perfect spot, wisteria running along the top of the racing green window frames. It could easily have belonged in Bekonscot too, if only it had been a lot smaller.

It was made up of two rooms, a larger bar and a smaller dining room, although I imagine you can eat in either. The staff told us it was a quiet lunchtime so we could sit anywhere, and they very kindly let us expand into a table that would ordinarily seat six, my brother, my stepmother, Zoë and me. Sun poured through the windows, and the cricketing theme was worn lightly: a ball on the mantelpiece, the menu broken into sections saying Warm Ups, Openers, Main Play. It was an extraordinarily handsome space, somehow a very classic dining room transplanted into a gorgeous old pub without remotely jarring.

One of the nice things about going to a place like the Jolly Cricketers in a large group is being freed of the tyranny of having to choose something different to everybody else. And – I can’t imagine why – all four of us were in the mood to eat our feelings that day, so we attacked every section of the menu and gave ourselves permission to order without fear of hesitation or repetition.

My brother had an alcohol free beer, Zoë and my stepmother tried the alcohol free gin and tonic and I, the sole drinker, regretted not being able to order a bottle from the wine list, especially because the pub stocked fascinating-looking natural wines from Woodfine, a winery in the village. I consoled myself during the meal with a Spanish Chardonnay which was extremely good and a Rioja which was even better. Even so I suspected that the real treats were further down the wine list – especially a Saperavi and a Xinomavro, both around the £50 mark.

Now, on to the food – and before you judge, I’d just like to say again that it was a very particular set of circumstances. First, the Scotch egg. We had two of these between the four of us and I absolutely adored it, the pork coarse and judiciously seasoned, the Burford Browns spilling golden secrets, a smattering of salt flakes to sprinkle on top. It took me back to the glory days of the Lyndhurst, and made me wish I had a pub doing food like this within walking distance. The yolk was a little runny for my stepmother’s personal taste, the lack of brown sauce or any other condiments won Zoë’s seal of approval: on balance, a palpable hit.

Even better were the cubes of crispy Chiltern pork in a cairn with a little bowl of apple sauce for dipping. These were simple, bronzed and moreish beyond measure, and if I ever sweep to power every licensed establishment will have to offer this dish or something like it. I doubt many would make it seem as easy as the Jolly Cricketers did, though: such simplicity, just pork, salt and apple.

I regret the fact that we only ordered one portion of these, and I stand by that despite the sheer quantity of what we got through, but it was indisputably excellent value at £8.50.

The last of our trio was padron peppers, ordered because Zoë loves them; my stepmother, not unreasonably, said “I can make those at home”, and I’ve always felt I can take or leave them.

But if you do like padron peppers, and plenty of people do, these were as good an example of the genre as you’ll find. I wasn’t sure about the wisdom of serving them with aioli, mainly because I’ve never seen that done before, but the padron pepper expert among us was very happy with them. Also £8.50 for these, which I found a tad strange: the crispy pork felt like a much better return on investment.

I didn’t take a picture of my starter, even though I was sure I had. Can you believe I still make rookie mistakes like that after nearly thirteen years? I’m going to plead extenuating circumstances and tell you that my crispy squid was a knockout, beautifully fried, still tender, plenty of it. You could eat it with a fork, and I started out that way, but once it cooled enough for me to pick it up and dab it in a simple but exquisite dip of honey, soy and garlic I abandoned decorum and did exactly that.

This is a dish you see on pub menus fairly often, but you would struggle to find it executed as well as the Jolly Cricketers do: this would, I discovered, turn out to be a theme. The pub’s menu doesn’t lean too heavily on provenance, but it does say that fish and seafood come from Newlyn’s Flying Fish, a name I recognise which inherently inspires confidence.

My brother was torn but ended up going for the asparagus. He really enjoyed it, and it had plenty going on with sumac labneh, cherry tomatoes and olives, a moat of the most arresting-coloured extra virgin. I didn’t eat this, so I won’t sit in judgement too much, but just the four spears felt a little underbalanced and it didn’t look like the sourdough crumb made its presence felt. It was the most expensive starter on the menu at £12.50 and I was glad I hadn’t ordered it myself, but for all I know it probably – as wankers like to put it – “ate well”.

I think the people who really ate well – because repeat after me, dishes don’t eat well, people eat well – were Zoë and my stepmother, who went for the French onion soup. The pub had said recently on Instagram that it was back on the menu by popular demand, and that demand was echoed at my table. It really did look the part, a deep brown panacea packed with onion, topped with a hulking permacrust of molten cheese studded with epic croutons.

And in case that wasn’t enough for you, there was also a thick wodge of excellent bread speckled with caraway seeds: not necessarily that French, but a very welcome interloper. “It was maybe ever so slightly too sweet from the onions” Zoë told me later, “but that’s niggling. Besides, the cheese more than made up for it.”

By this point it looked like we might be the only lunchtime customers in the dining room that day (which goes to explain why the pub also offers a locals set menu lunchtimes and evenings during the week). But if anything, that just made the service even better, without ever being too much. We were always asked if we were happy with each course, just at the moment when we had finished our first mouthfuls and established that yes, we truly were.

Drinks kept coming as we needed them, and we were always asked whether we wanted more just at the point when one of us was thinking that more were in order. There is a real talent to this, especially to do it and make it seem telepathic, and that the Jolly Cricketers’ young and enthusiastic team was so very good at it was one of the many happy discoveries of our lunch.

Pacing was, too: it could be so easy when a kitchen isn’t mega-busy to get into a rat-a-tat rhythm and pepper you with course after course in quick succession. But the pub understood not to do that and actually, on that day of all days, the time and space we were given was one of my many favourite things. By the time our mains arrived, we were ready but not hankering – how could you hanker when we’d been determined to try so much of the menu? – but they were still a happy sight.

Three of us had chosen the pork belly – from Stockings Farm, less than ten minutes’ drive away – which makes my job far easier than it could have been. On paper it sounded like an unmissable dish: pork belly, crab cake, pak choi and a soy and garlic sauce, so many wonderful things coexisting on a plate. And if it wasn’t quite perfect it was close enough that I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything but indulgent. Because it all worked, it just could have worked slightly better and come together a little more.

The pork was truly magnificent – a whopping striated slab of the stuff, crispy-edged but yielding at its core, some of the best pork belly I’ve had in as long as I can remember (or at least since the crispy pork earlier on). And the pak choi offered an excellent contrast, cooked absolutely bang on. But I would have liked the crab cake to be a little crispier too, a bit less crumbly and to have more of the ginger that was meant to feature. And it needed sauce to bring it together – a proper quantity of it, not a thin trickle that had made its way to the perimeter of the plate, like it was trying to make a break for it.

The crab cake was just a question of preference, but the lack of sauce meant that this dish, made of exceptional parts, didn’t quite cohere into a whole. It made me wish I’d kept the rest of my ramekin of soy, honey and ginger from the squid, because pouring that over this pork and the crabcake would have been the missing piece. Without it, what could have been a perfect dish had to settle for mere excellence.

We’d opted for a solitary portion of chunky chips to provide carbs, and in honesty the crabcake was spudded up enough that we probably didn’t need them. But thank goodness we ordered them anyway, because they were textbook: stubby and crunchy, beautifully done with a little side order of rustling scraps in the bottom of the bowl. My stepmother had a couple too, declaring them infinitely better than the fries that came with her main.

That main was a huge pot of mussels – Welsh, apparently – almost as much still life as treat, gently steaming in their bath of marinière sauce. They were pronounced triumphant and my stepmother worked through them with what looked to me like a combination of diligence and joy. You could have a smaller portion as a starter with what the menu winningly refers to as “mopping bread” or a larger one with fries.

I think, with the benefit of hindsight, my stepmother would have liked the bigger portion with a few slabs of that caraway-speckled bread. But hindsight is always perfect and probably, if we’re being brutally honest, we could all find more laudable uses for it than ordering better at lunch. I said that making mistakes when you order in a restaurant is an essential part of making sure you can find reasons to return and I believe that, even if it’s positively glass half full by my standards.

We split 3-1 on dessert, too, but before that we asked our server about the whole cherry pie thing: why was the village famous for that?

“Do you want the nice answer, or the honest one?” she said. I do love a situation where those two answers are not the same, so of course I asked for the latter. And she told us that Seer Green used to have, for some reason, mass graves and that the cherry orchards were planted on top of those, although the sanitised version was just that the village really loved cherries and had become famous for exporting them to London. She also told us that the cherry pie on the menu was a speciality, and I promise the story behind the village’s nickname was not why we swerved it.

Zoë couldn’t resist crumble, having seen it on the menu, and she rhapsodised about her order. It was apple and blackberry, topped with a gorgeous golden rubble of biscuit, served with an ice cream resplendent with vanilla specks. It prompted a big discussion at the table about the acceptable crumble to fruit ratio: I, conditioned by the Royal Berks no doubt, thought it should be 2:1, while my stepmother would have preferred it the other way round. Zoë, ever the moderate, liked it best 50:50. Which was this, I asked her later? My stepmother would have loved it, she told me.

The rest of us had the Basque cheesecake, unusually with chocolate sauce rather than fruit. The slightly warm, exceptionally rich dark chocolate sauce made this dessert, but without it it would have been rather like Snoop Dogg, i.e. slightly too baked for my liking. I like a Basque cheesecake to retain a little wobble, this was a very solid affair. That might have been a conscious choice given the accompaniment, but I wasn’t sure.

Similarly, the menu paired this with a manzanilla, which might have worked if it was just the cheesecake, but the chocolate sauce was crying out for a PX, or a dessert wine of some kind. The menu suggests pairings for all the desserts but none of them are anything sticky: I have struggled to find fault with the Jolly Cricketers, but I’d love it if they fixed that.

We didn’t really want the afternoon to end, in this beautiful pub in this beautiful part of the world on the first day of a strange new phase. So we had coffee – which was extremely good, something I never expected – and eventually, with a heavy heart, we settled up. Lunch for four, pretty much four courses with plenty of drinks and coffee, came to £310 with a 10% service charge thrown in.

I was chatting to our server and she asked where we came from, so I explained that we were from all over, really: Reading, Windsor, New South Wales, and told her why we’d been in the area. And she was so lovely and so sorry for our loss, which happens a lot lately, and I told her not to be sorry. Because I couldn’t think of a better place to be on that day, or better people to be there with.

If I lived near the Jolly Cricketers I would be there all the time, and if a pub like the Jolly Cricketers was near me I might not write a blog any more. It would exert a pull like the Lyndhurst, and you’d find me there whenever I’d had a hard day. And there is a carpe diem message here going back to the very beginning of this: if there’s a restaurant you keep meaning to visit, go there. One day it might not be there, or you might not be. And if there’s a person you keep meaning to call, or take down the pub, or go to that restaurant with, do that too.

My dad would have loved The Jolly Cricketers. It’s a crying shame he wasn’t there that day. But he was, really, wasn’t he? At least in a few of the ways that matter.

The Jolly Cricketers – 8.8
24 Chalfont Road, Seer Green, HP9 2YG
01494 676308

https://thejollycricketers.co.uk

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Restaurant review: M’s Smokehouse

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I’ve talked about this before, but it helps when you’re writing a restaurant review to have some kind of hook, some reason why you decided, this week of all weeks, to check that particular venue out. Canny restaurants make that easy by having something about them, whether it’s in their branding, their social media or their USP – or, in London, by having a well-connected chef or owner.

Big chain opens a branch in a prime location on the ground floor of one of Reading’s most iconic buildings, for instance: that’s a hook. So is Nationally acclaimed restaurant reviewer rather likes this place in Winnersh, or Is Reading’s most expensive restaurant worth the money? On the other hand, Yet another smash burger place opens in town isn’t: not unless there’s potentially something special about it.

In the case of M’s Smokehouse, which opened on the Basingstoke Road at the end of January, you’re spoiled for choice. Its Instagram describes it as the “First and Only Smokehouse in Reading”, which isn’t strictly true – remember Bluegrass BBQ? But Bluegrass closed last January, so the second half of that description is correct, for now at least. I don’t know about you, but I miss Bluegrass: a decent independent alternative in south Reading would be a find.

And there’s more. The smokehouse’s Instagram blurb also describes it as a “halal smokehouse”, and in that respect it is definitely a first: so no pulled pork or sausages, just brisket, burgers and fried chicken. Now, that kind of thing might enrage the swivel-eyed types who used to comment on my blog’s Facebook page, pretending to give a toss about animal welfare, but I thought it was worth checking it out.

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Restaurant review: Cuttlefish, Oxford

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“This should be lovely” said my dear friend Jerry as we took a table in the window at Cuttlefish, a couple of minutes’ walk away from the far side of Oxford’s Magdalen Bridge. “A fish restaurant!”

I was spending Good Friday with Jerry, in what I rather hoped would become an annual tradition – last year we spent it lunching at Gees – and as is habitual I had given him a range of options to choose from in advance. He passed on the London candidates I gave him: only the smaller plates appealed at Andrew Edmunds and The Hero, and the offal-heavy selection at Borough Market’s Camille was dismissed in a split second. That left Oxford, where Jerry was tempted by No. 1 Ship Street but thought, on balance, that Cuttlefish had more to tempt him.

All this worked out rather well, in truth. People have been bemoaning the lack of a fish restaurant in Reading for a long time – the easily pleased since Loch Fyne closed eight years ago and the more exacting since long before that. The nearest thing to it we have, I suppose, is Henley’s Shellfish Cow, but it always feels to me like a restaurant where they chose the name because they liked the pun and everything else followed from there.

Given that lacuna in Reading’s food scene a short hop to Oxford to see if there was anything suitable sounded like an excellent idea. Besides, after my last Oxford review there was a request to install Jerry as my permanent Oxford correspondent for all long boozy lunches: let it not be said that I never, ever give the people what they want. So Jerry and I rocked up at the start of the long weekend, the sun finally out, ready to investigate.

My preliminary research, however, had given me a bit of a sinking feeling, not that I told Jerry that. The fanciest thing about the website was Cuttlefish’s fetching logo, but lurking beyond that was a menu that seemed a little bit strange, a little bit cheap, a little too large and somewhat lacking in fish. Sure, they sold oysters and caviar and seafood platters, but for a fish and seafood place there appeared to be little fish on the menu.

Perhaps, I told myself, it was all in the daily specials depending what they could get that day. But it also felt a little all over the place, with classic fish and chips sitting uneasily next to squid ink spaghetti and “mixed seafood and chicken paella”.

Maybe some of that could be explained away as overlap with the La Cucina, the Italian restaurant next door under the same ownership. But that was before you got on to the five different types of burger, the steak frites, the brunch menu featuring eggs benedict and chorizo tortilla. Nothing about it shouted that Cuttlefish was a restaurant which had decided to focus on doing a few things very well.

That was sort of borne out by the dining room. It didn’t boast loads of jarring nauticalia, and the pictures on the walls were tasteful black and white numbers. But the Tolix chairs – would that I could go back in time and buy shares – felt low rent, as did the vinyl tableclothes meant, seemingly, to imitate planks of driftwood, which rather clashed with the attractive bare wooden floorboards. Never mind: we took a nice spot in the window and I wedged my arse into a Tolix. Behind Jerry, I could see that the paintwork of the bay windows was a little tired.

Service was lovely and friendly, but it started off shakily and never quite recovered. Jerry is a lovely and self-effacing man who always puts other people first, the kind who volunteers to take the crappy single bed in a communal Airbnb. Maybe it’s his Irish Catholic upbringing, but he is congenitally predisposed not to want his own way, to the point where he sometimes apologises even for having a preference.

I discovered this at lunch because, given that we were at a fish and seafood restaurant, I rather assumed that we’d be attacking a Picpoul de Pinet or an albariño, a riesling or a Chablis. Cuttlefish’s wine list, as you would expect, boasts all of those things, although it never gives a vintage and, in some cases, also neglects to mention the producer. But it was on this day, after years of friendship and several meals on duty, that I discovered that Jerry doesn’t especially care for white wine.

“I’m really sorry” he said, getting that apology in early. “But we can have white if you want.”

I stopped and thought. This was news to me, and I’ve been out for lunch with Jerry numerous times – including twice in Oxford – where I’ve pressed on and ordered a bottle of white without ever realising that Jerry only really enjoys red.

“No, don’t be silly! I’m not a purist about drinking white with fish.”

So we asked our server for help and that’s where our problems began. It felt like there was an unbridgeable language barrier between us, because I was unable to explain, somehow, that we wanted tips on which the lightest and fruitiest of the reds on the wine list was. It didn’t give many clues and there were no obvious candidates like, say, a Fleurie. It didn’t help that this part of East Oxford is a mobile reception not spot: no Vivino to come to the rescue.

“Do you mean the red wine that’s the least strong?” she said.

“No, I mean – which is the fruitiest. You know, not heavy. Which one would go best with fish?”

You’d expect the reds on this list to have been selected with this eventuality in mind, but perhaps not.

“Well, there is the Picpoul de Pinet” she said.

“No, I mean reds. That’s a white wine.”

There was a pause, and I wondered if I was expressing myself exceptionally poorly (if you’ve read enough of my reviews, you’ll know that sometimes happens). The pause lengthened into a silence, and I wondered if time was standing still. No: Jerry was still moving.

“I will get my colleague.”

By the time he arrived we’d given up and settled on a French malbec. This server smirked slightly as we ordered it, as if it was a bad choice, but really, by that point we’d done quite enough deciding and wanted to do some drinking.

It was called Beauté du Sud and the markup on it was reasonable to the point of baffling: £32 for a wine that will apparently set you back £25 retail. If I’d paid £25 for it retail I’d be beyond disappointed, but in a restaurant it wasn’t bad: not too heavy but perhaps a little jammy. Tom Gilbey would probably have had something to say about the sugar levels.

So by this point my hopes were not high, and that was compounded by another cardinal sin: our starters must have come out about five minutes after we ordered them, and you probably know by now how much I love that i.e. not very. But that’s almost the last bit of criticism you will hear from me, because from this point onwards – against all the signs and much to my bemused pleasure – nearly everything was rather good.

Take my calamari, for instance. They even looked pedestrian, and I was half expecting to wade my way through a bowl of breaded rubber bands. So imagine my surprise when I found they were delicious, lightly dusted with a coating that adhered, had crispness, and that they were tender without the slightest twang of elastic.

Dressed with liberally squeezed lemon and then dipped into a ramekin of golden aioli, they were the kind of dish the idea of this restaurant promised, a promise the reality of the restaurant looked as if it would renege on. It wasn’t the hugest portion for £9, but I liked it too much to care about that.

And would you believe that Jerry’s starter was equally good? He’d ordered crab, white and brown, with toast, and it was a simple and surprising – that word again – dish.

“This is so much nicer than those meagre pots you get at the supermarket” enthused Jerry, and he was right. I love the purity of white crabmeat but the dark meat is where the flavour is and this was rich and thought through, with a slowly building heat in the mix which, again, you might not expect. Even the tiger-striped block of toast was considered, was the perfect thing to load the stuff onto. I always think salads are padding in a dish like this, and this one definitely was, but even without it this felt like a very creditable way to spend £11.

By this point the restaurant was still less busy than you’d hope it to be on a long weekend, but there was a regular, if small, trickle of customers arriving and leaving. The people watching potential couldn’t match a spot in North Oxford, or down the Cowley Road, but Jerry and I had plenty to catch up on, so that didn’t matter.

We were having such a good natter that I didn’t even spend my time worrying that our mains would turn up as quickly as our starters did, so I was pleasantly surprised – yes, surprise once more – when they turned up a very agreeable half hour or so later.

That said, I wish they’d given mine a little longer. The blackboard propped up outside the restaurant had promised two specials but one had already gone by the time we turned up at half-one, so I chose the other, the octopus. And on paper this dish had everything I could have wanted: firm, roasted baby new potatoes with a flash of bronzed skin, a little carpet of still-crunchy samphire, a beautiful sauce with plenty of sweet cherry tomatoes.

It almost was, and could have been, a taste of the Mediterranean (of Greece, where the octopus is usually previously frozen because stocks have never quite recovered from all that madcap dynamite fishing they used to do).

But the problem was that octopus is a tricky beast to get right and, unlike everything else the kitchen tried, their sure touch deserted them here. It was a proper chewy workout for the jaws, more than I would have liked, and it made me apprehensive about my forthcoming dental appointment and the inevitable top up of masseter botox which would follow. If I showed my dentist a picture of this octopus, perhaps he’d give me slightly more this time.

Only the narrow end of the octopus, blackened and crispier, was easy to eat. Even having said all that, I liked the dish so much that I was prepared to be forgiving: to get so close to the perfect dish, somehow, made me celebrate the 90% they had achieved rather that the 10% where they had fallen short. The whole thing sang with summer flavours, made the crummy weather of the previous week feel like an optical illusion, and for £18 I thought that was no mean feat.

Jerry very much enjoyed his fritto misto, although I think it was more his thing than mine. One element, the calamari, was shared with my starter, but the other components were a couple of enormous prawns, some pieces of whiting and a lot of whitebait. You might, as Jerry does, like whitebait rather a lot, in which case I’m delighted for you, but I personally never eat anything that can beat me in a staring content. And whiting might be a perfectly worthy fish – the bit I had tasted decent enough – but somehow it felt a little basic to me.

Then again, this fritto misto was £15, so can you complain? Pricing at Cuttlefish was a little erratic, with many of the mains costing little more than some of the starters. I guess I had been conditioned to think it should have been more expensive, but then again it’s not like they were dishing up whole Dover soles or thick steaks of swordfish. I’d have liked it a little better, I think, if they had been.

We had a couple of side dishes – Jerry because his main needed one and me because I’m greedy. My zucchini fritti were thick, soggy and under-battered, lacking salt or fun. Jerry’s french fries almost certainly came out of a packet and were served in the sort of miniature frying basket that dreary observational comics on Twitter used to slag off ad infinitum. I didn’t finish my courgette fries because they felt like empty calories. Jerry didn’t finish his frites because he just didn’t have room: I half expected him to apologise to our server for that.

After an impressive run I guess it was always a risk that the weird service would return and cause a dip, and so it did. We were asked if we wanted to order dessert, we asked if we could finish our wine first and were told “well, the kitchen is closing”. Nothing on Cuttlefish’s website says that it does that and, indeed, people were still taking tables shortly before that. But never mind: the dessert menu was full of staples like brownies, cheesecake and sticky toffee pudding and they did offer a glass of an unspecified Sauternes if you wanted to push the boat out, no pun intended.

Jerry went for ice cream, a classic Neapolitan trio of chocolate, strawberry and vanilla. I don’t know if they were supplied by others or made by the restaurant, but they were as pleasing as their pastel shades might lead you to believe they would be. A couple of the scoops had ice crystals in them, which strangely left me with the impression they were less likely to be bought in, but either way it was a solidly nice and thoroughly unexciting dessert.

I picked from the specials, most of which were dessert with extra booze, be it a pastel de nata with a glass of port or an affogato with Frangelico on the side. I genuinely loved my two spheres of lemon sorbet with limoncello, and thoroughly enjoyed anointing the former with the latter. It felt like the kind of dessert you don’t see on menus much these days, a resolutely old school, tried and tested combo.

As it gradually melted to become the kind of Slush Puppy Oliver Reed would have considered a decidedly good time, I started to feel increasingly well disposed to Cuttlefish, despite its repeated efforts to stop me becoming so. £10 for this, and despite somehow costing more than the larger £7 selection of ice creams I couldn’t say I felt begrudging.

“This has been so nice” said Jerry. “So much better than those snouts and bollocks and trotters in London would have been.”

When our bill arrived it was only £113, not including tip, which did nothing at all to dissipate our collective goodwill. I think Jerry liked Cuttlefish more than I did, but Jerry is also a man who will take the single bedroom in an Airbnb to make his friends happy. In short, he’s just a spectacular human being. And yet I liked Cuttlefish too: I may be a crabby sod who needs to be worn down or won over, but I get there in the end. Once I do I’m as much of an advocate as anybody.

After that our afternoon took a happy, well-rehearsed trajectory. We wound our way to the Star Inn on Rectory Road, one of my two favourite Oxford pubs. Jerry sipped Asahi and I glugged Steady Rolling Man and, despite the utter lack of mobile reception, we got by the way people did in the days before smartphones, by simply chatting and gossiping and not looking things up when we didn’t know them, because there was no way of doing so.

We got into a chat with the academic at the next table, mainly because Jerry fell slightly in love with Nico, her greyhound, but he told himself it was okay that he couldn’t get away with dognapping Nico. “Greyhounds don’t lick”, he said to me. “I need a dog that’s going to show me proper affection.”

Nico’s owner told us stories about the fates faced by ex-racing greyhounds – she adopted him after an unsuccessful month-long career as a racing dog – and both of us came away from the conversation bitterly opposed to racing in all its forms. I have become a cat person in my middle age, but I’ll always make an exception for greyhounds.

It was in short a textbook Oxford outing, the kind to which I’ve become extraordinarily attached. I’m already looking forward to the next one, especially now I have a mandate from my readership to take Jerry out for lunch in the dreaming spires at every available opportunity.

I am increasingly aware lately that happiness can be fleeting, and you have to appreciate it as it happens, rather than simply realising further down the tracks with the benefit of hindsight. I had a brilliant time, and I don’t want these trips to Oxford – on Good Friday or otherwise – to ever come to an end. Fortunately, the city seems to have plans to keep me more than occupied.

En route to the Star I spotted a pub, the Port Mahon, which has decided to specialise in rotisserie chicken and mentally I made a note to put it near the top of my to do list. Once we got to the Star I couldn’t help but notice that they now have a permanent pizza trader. One who also serves a pint of dough balls in garlic butter and Parmesan: I saw them turn up at a neighbouring table, and it took all my strength not to order some. Next time. Or the time after that.

Cuttlefish – 7.4
36 St Clement’s Street, Oxford, OX4 1AB
01865 243003

https://www.cuttlefishoxford.co.uk

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Restaurant review: Just Momo

On By ediblereadingIn Reviews4 Comments

For all the people in Reading and beyond on Ozempic or Mounjaro, despite all the weeks in the last few years when I’ve joined my ever-optimistic wife on the Fast 800 diet, there remain some times when there’s a big hole in your life and only carbs can fill it.

I’m not saying carbs merit their own tier in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs the way, say, wi-fi does, but carbs are the unconditional love of food, the thing that softens the edges: no wonder we talk about lapsing into a coma after eating them. They are the thing that nearly always makes the world feel better, cosier and less harsh. Well, that and ice cream – but even I, an inveterate ice cream lover, would concede that ice cream is chiefly for the brighter months, while carbs are a friend for all seasons.

That said, carbs come into their own during our winters, which seem to take up most of the year once summer ends, with their chilly, dreich, gathering gloom that makes the soul sink. My brother was over from Australia at the start of last month on a short notice family visit and he loved the greyness, the lack of blue skies. But he felt that way because it was summer back home, and hot as balls there.

By contrast, he found shivering on the terraces watching Maidenhead United in his specially bought winter coat and gloves, his newly-purchased polyester scarf costing less than the ticket for the match, somehow magical. Even so, as he drove me home after the match he admitted that he wasn’t sure whether he could hack four months of it. I sometimes wonder how any of us do.

When it comes to epitomising carbs I know people put Italian food on a pedestal, with its twin exemplars of pizza and pasta. But I always think Nepalese food is a bit of a dark horse in this regard; I know it has other jewels, its sukuti and sekuwa, its phenomenal pressed potatoes, but when I think of Nepalese food the thing that comes to mind first is momo. And then, if I can think beyond momo, I also consider Nepalese chow mein, with the hot sauce that separates it from its Chinese sibling.

Reading is extremely lucky to have a significant Nepali community, and it means that we are well represented when it comes to Nepalese food. And that, in turn, means that Nepalese food has been bringing Reading in general, and me in particular, comfort and joy for well over a decade.

For a long time, for me, that meant momo at Sapana Home. Nearly a decade ago, in the depths of my divorce, when my flat was no longer a home I would stop at Sapana Home on my way back from the station and order ten pan-fried parcels of succour, with a mango lassi chaser. There was a specific wistfulness I felt when I finished the sixth momo and knew that the plate, and my respite, were nearly over: the Germans probably have a word for it.

In happier times there was the glorious autumn of 2017 when I discovered Namaste Kitchen, and the hospitality of Kamal, at the foot of Katesgrove. I would walk there from my little house in the Village with the slightest of provocation, any excuse at all really, and self-medicate with cider, momo and chow mein: the rest of that year, gastronomically speaking, was made up of four magnificent months.

And in the depths of the pandemic, when Kamal had moved to his eponymous kitchen on the Caversham Road, it meant delivery bikes scuttling from there to our little house in the Village when only Kamal’s carbs could shut out an attack of the glums. I must have lost count of the number of deliveries from Kamal since he opened, both at the old house and this one, and whatever those orders contain they always feature chow mein and momo: to omit them would be unthinkable. Zoë would mutiny if the former was missing, I couldn’t do without the latter.

Three weeks ago, Zoë and I got off the train at Reading and we knew it was one of those nights. We’d been to see my dad in the hospice, and it was in relative terms a good visit. He had a sheet of exercises and told us he planned to start doing them, that he had been using a walking frame to reach the bathroom in readiness for when he was discharged home. He was so set on getting back to his house and his bed: he asked me what films he should watch when he made it there, talked about the things he was looking forward to doing when his life returned to normal. And we played along, because we didn’t know how else to handle it.

His speech seemed stronger than it had been, and it was a shame to leave. But we knew he was ready for us to go because he asked what we were doing that evening, his coded signal that he wanted to get some rest. I told him we were going on a mini pub crawl with Zoë’s CAMRA compadres, an event I always enjoy, and he appeared to like that answer.

It was an evening when we could believe we’d all had a false alarm, even though the hospice staff tell you, with the wisdom of years of experience, that patients often rally soon after they reach the hospice. It was the last time Zoë would see my dad alive, but none of us knew that then.

Even though my dad was on good form, relatively speaking, those visits take something out of you, make you think, make your mind go to places you’d rather it didn’t. So when we got back into town we only had a little time to decompress before having to go to the Greyfriar, be social, talk beer and pubs and buses with Reading CAMRA’s brilliant bunch. That hole was yawning and carbs could fill it, so I thought of Just Momo.

It’s on the same run of restaurants as pizza rivals Paesinos and seemingly permanently closed Amò, but of a slightly older vintage: it opened in winter 2024, the first of those sites to start trading. And the inside is pleasant, generic and featureless: a biggish box of a room with framed pictures on the wall and a real mélange of light fittings, from traditional to modern to bare, illuminating its basic tables and chairs. Only the exposed brickwork effect around the walls was bizarre: made of 3-D vinyl rather than flat wallpaper, and oddly spongy to the touch.

The restaurant was doing well when we arrived just before seven, with a fair few tables occupied. I was going to say that most of the customers were desi, but having had a preemptive Google it seems that Nepali people don’t identify with that term, so I won’t.

Just Momo is a bit misleading calling itself that, because it also does chow mein and one other dish, chatpate. But that’s hardly grounds to complain and their menu is a visually appealing, stripped down model of simplicity. It takes possibly the two most accessible dishes in Nepalese cuisine and sticks them front and centre: you can have chow mein with the protein of your choice, you can have momo any which way, but you’re going to be eating chow mein or momo or, if you have a hole in your life that only carbs can fill, both.

I say that you can have momo any which way, but that’s not strictly true. They come steamed or fried, in chilli sauce or plain, and they are chicken, vegetable or lamb. So no kothey, or pan-fried, momo, no jhol momo in broth and no buffalo (or buff, as Nepalese menu always term it) momo of any kind. Some momo purists might find that limiting but I didn’t, even though kothey momo are usually my first choice.

I went up and ordered a couple of types of momo, because Zoë shares momo, two portions of chow mein because Zoë likes, as she puts it, personal chow mein, a soft drink for her and a sweet Nepali tea for me. All that set me back just under £40.

Fifteen minutes later, out it all came and it was extremely gratefully received. The chow mein was more than acceptable, full of veg, topped with herbs and spring onions, tumbled with thick strips of chicken, noodles with plenty of bite. It only took a forkful to remember why this dish can be such a tonic, and if it didn’t quite hit the heights of Kamal’s Kitchen’s rendition it wasn’t far off, and besides Just Momo’s location is a lot more central.

It needed the sauce it came with, but it made me think of how welcome dishes like this can be and set my mind off in a reverie of all the great noodle dishes out there, from Me Kong’s Singapore noodles with their dusting of curry powder to the soy-laced wonders of Oishi’s yaki soba. Three cuisines, one giant gastronomic group hug. The fug dispersed slightly, the spirits began to lift. Everything was working as it should.

If the chow mein was good, the momo were even better. Just Momo’s Instagram page shows them painstakingly making them by hand and these certainly didn’t feel bulk made and previously frozen. Fried lamb momo were piping hot, beautifully crispy bubbles kept from floating away by a gorgeous ballast of generously filled ground lamb. Having had these at Kamal’s Kitchen and at West Reading’s impressive Momo 2 Go I have to say that Just Momo could give either a run for their money.

Ten for just shy of a tenner still constitutes impressive value inside the IDR, where costs were prohibitive before everything got more expensive on April 1st and are only going to get worse. When I update my guide to solo dining in Reading, this place – and this dish – are going to be in serious contention. I also loved the fact that this, and all of Just Momo’s dishes, come in eco-friendly leaf plates “just the way it’s served in Nepal”, even if the green credentials you get from that are wiped out by flying them over from the motherland. I was less keen on the wooden knife and fork, but never mind.

Chilli fried chicken momo were a different permutation of brilliant but no less enjoyable. I loved the chicken filling, although I should really have had the chicken momo unadorned to make a fair comparison with the lamb: that’s next time sorted. But if I couldn’t judge them in isolation from crunchy peppers and a thick, punchy chilli sauce which clung to every crinkle of every dumpling, that was hardly a tragedy.

The overall effect was a plate which rounded out our order rather than just offering more of the same. And again, hats off to Just Momo for not bloating their menu with chilli this and Manchurian that, not trying to offer something for everyone the way restaurants on Reading’s newly dubbed Curry Mile – people are trying to make it A Thing – sometimes do. No Indo-Chinese or South Indian interlopers, just a tightly honed menu that offers a few Nepalese crowd pleasers. If you don’t like them, go elsewhere. But really: if you don’t like them, check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Service was lovely and friendly, as warm and sweet as my very enjoyable Nepali tea. I found myself thinking about the randomness of life as we finished our meal at Just Momo. Presumably they had their pick of the units on that run as the first tenants, and perhaps if they had chosen Amò’s spot and Amó had been forced to take their site Amò would be the ones still trading and Just Momo would have the sign outside their door for three months saying “closed for refurbishment”.

If I hadn’t liked Just Momo, I might have shaken my fist at the skies about that, but much as I miss Amò I loved Just Momo, so I was glad they dodged that bullet.

The rest of the evening was just what I needed after the day I’d had. Zoë and I joined the Reading CAMRA brigade in the pub, drank nice beers, chatted merrily about all sorts and I could almost forget, for a few hours at least, where I had been earlier in the day and what lay ahead. Drinks in a pub might have achieved that on their own, but I don’t know. I think it was the welcome of Just Momo, misnomer and all, and their array of wonderful carbs that proved the turning point. I am grateful to them for that, and I’ll be back to enjoy more of their food, on the flimsy pretext of repaying their kindness.

One little postscript, because I somehow feel I want to say it: I have had the strangest fortnight. Two weeks ago, on the date of my last review, I went to London with Zoë to celebrate my birthday. I had a wonderful lunch at The French House, wandered off to buy fragrance I wanted but did not need, photographed some Brutalism, drank Belgian beers at one of my favourite London pubs. The following morning, unexpectedly, Zoë and I were at the hospice for the last time, my dad’s room silent and cold, him finally at peace and free from pain.

And the day after that, because it had been booked for months and was badly needed, Zoë and I flew to Màlaga for our first holiday in six months. I spent a week in the warmth, happy and sad and guilty, drinking vermouth in my dad’s honour – every single time – my mending arm gently baked by the incessant sunshine. Shorts on, legs out, sandals on, living the best life I could manage, under the circumstances.

It is an incongruous experience to grieve on holiday, to feel like crying in your favourite restaurants and a beautiful hotel room with the nicest view, with your best friend. I can’t say I recommend it. I have no prior experience of this, really, and it’s weird and unsettling that it’s never constant, always intermittent. Right now it feels like it might be constantly intermittent for ever. Having a lovely time, wish you were here: I didn’t send a postcard but I thought it, often.

When we got back last Friday, we turned the heating on and unpacked and sat on the sofa, home at last. The holiday was over and impending reality was looming, nowhere near the horizon. Discussions and decisions awaited, as did conversations and condolences. I felt that hole again, the kind that carbs can pretend to fill, and because I couldn’t think what else to do, Zoë and I ordered takeaway – chow mein and momos, of course. I will say this, though: they were delicious. They almost worked.

Just Momo – 8.0
4 Kings Road, Reading, RG1 3AA
0118 2294634

https://justmomo.uk

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Restaurant review: Chez Dominique, Bath

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This week’s review comes from Bath, and from a restaurant I visited with my old friend Dave, and those of you with good memories might recall that I was last in Bath on duty roughly a year ago, also with Dave in tow. We ate at Upstairs At Landrace, which I liked a great deal, and afterwards we drank great beer at The Raven, and when I wrote it up I said that I had a feeling national restaurant critics visited Bath every few years when they fancied a genteel day out on expenses.

I’m not completely devoid of self-awareness, I promise, and here I am almost a year after my last visit having a thoroughly genteel day out with Dave. I can see why the broadsheet gang always include the city on their tour of the provinces.

So this day was in some respects similar to my trip to Bath last year – great pre-prandial coffee, excellent afternoon beers at The Raven, carefully selected lunch venue as the meat in that sandwich, good company and wide-ranging chat about stuff and nonsense from start to finish. But we are a more careworn pair this year, and we agree over lattes at Bath café Picnic that, so far at least, 2026 has delivered us both a bit of a beating.

Dave has to have a tooth out in the not too distant future, his second in far too short a space of time. My arm is still a work in progress, my dad is in hospital and my central heating went bust for the whole of the coldest week of the year. Dave magnanimously decides that I win in the Shit 2026 stakes: “whenever I think how bad my start to the year is”, he tells me, “I remember yours and I know it’s worse”. Only his recent holiday to York – “think of the city guide you could write!” he says – and my imminent trip to Màlaga are chinks in the gloom. That and a good lunch of course, a break from our sea of troubles. But where to go?

As is traditional, I gave Dave a range of options and let him pick his favourite. But I think maybe this time I rather led the witness – he was never going to pick Beckford Bottle Shop now he has given up drinking wine, and Root was probably a little too plant-driven for him. So the clear winner was Chez Dominique, a French restaurant just the other side on Pulteney Bridge, on a street that in any other city might be especially beautiful but in Bath is simply one of countless lookers.

Chez Dominique, named after the owners’ first child, celebrates its tenth birthday in the summer, and in that time it has built up the kind of solid reputation that swerves boom and bust hype in favour of cultivating a lasting fan base as a neighbourhood restaurant. It has featured in the Good Food Guide multiple times, and Tom Parker Bowles raved about it six years ago on that year’s annual trip to Bath to expense a catch-up with his old mucker Reach plc hack Mark Taylor: the irony of me saying this is not lost on me.

But apart from that single mention in the media Chez Dominique has stayed in its very attractive, distinctly Georgian lane, offering, among other things, a ridiculously reasonable prix fixe menu – £22 for two courses, £27 for three – every lunchtime. That kind of money didn’t feel very 2026 at all, but I can’t say it didn’t add to the temptation, so we ambled over the bridge with empty stomachs, high hopes and expectations just about held in check.

Chez Dominique’s dining room is long and thin and it somehow looked dated without being passé. Something about it felt like how dining rooms looked twenty years ago, a vague sense reinforced by seeing the Papyrus font on the menu. Maybe it was the relative immunity from some of the trends of modern restaurants – no brick walls or crappy chairs, everything in a tasteful shade of bluish teal, mirrors just the right side of rustic on the wall.

I disliked the spider lights, which always strike me as a little H.R. Giger, but perhaps that’s me (that reminds me: when does the new series of Interior Design Masters start on BBC One?). But it was a likeable space, and they got even more in my good books by giving us one of the best tables in the place, a table big enough for four next to the fireplace which gave me a great opportunity to people watch over Dave’s shoulder.

The place was almost empty when we arrived, but just as people are apparently eating dinner earlier I think they also lunch later: practically every table was occupied by the time we were halfway through our lunch, and some of them with their second diners of the sitting. The demographic was cheery, prosperous and in the main older even than us: put that way it made sense that the only newspaper to cover Chez Dominique had been the Mail On Sunday.

Chez Dominique’s menu, Papyrus and all, was not without its temptations but not without its frustrations either. At lunchtime it is indeed 2 courses for £22 or 3 for £27, although the starters and mains are also individually priced for some reason which escaped me. Some of the dishes – both starters, on this occasion – came with supplements. Side dishes cost extra.

So far, so straightforward, but the specials on the blackboard were also individually priced – at between £25 and £34 – with supplements ranging between £5 and £14. Oh, and there was a chateaubriand for two which cost £75, and presumably if you ordered that your starters and desserts were at list price. The whole thing felt unnecessarily ornate, like they were determined to stick to looking as if they had a prix fixe however much everything else threw it out of whack.

“I have to do maths to work out how much everything is going to cost” said Dave. “I don’t really want to do maths at lunch.” We agreed that it just would have been easier to charge the same amount for most of the starters, most of the mains etc. so you didn’t have to muck about with the intricacies of pricing. That too would have involved doing maths, come to think of it, but never mind. We kicked off with a can of alcohol-free IPA from local brewery Electric Bear – saving our units for later, you see – and it wasn’t bad although, as with most things I’ve had from Electric Bear, I’m always aware that I’ve had better from nearby Bristol or Cheltenham.

My starter was one of the ones with a supplement, the ones that Make You Do Maths, and for what it’s worth it was one of the cleverest, most interesting things we ate. Tuna came beautifully seared, still very pink in the middle, in a little cairn surrounded by fun stuff – ribbons of pickled fennel, slices of blood orange and pinkish blobs of rhubarb sriracha. I’ve never had rhubarb sriracha, and before this dish I’d have struggled to tell you what I expected it to taste like.

But its combination of tartness and heat properly zhuzhed up what would otherwise have been a far more classical, but still very enjoyable, plate of food. Did it justify the £3 supplement? It’s one of those questions: in terms of the ingredients and processes, quite possibly. But I imagine that it was also probably the Starter Most Likely To Leave You Peckish. I’ve seen other pictures of this dish on social media which suggest the restaurant is still playing around with the plating of this one. The impression was that it still felt a little like a work in progress.

Dave did far better with the conventional choice. We have similar taste when it comes to menus, and on another day it would have been me ploughing through the pork terrine. Fortunately, he is always happy to offer a forkful, and it just confirmed to me that Chez Dominique’s version was faultless: dense and delicious, all killer (or, technically speaking I suppose, all killed), bound in bacon and festooned with everything that was good – capers, apple, what I think might have been chicory.

Dave especially liked the golden raisins which gave the whole thing a slight pop of sweetness. I’d have preferred a little proper bread to a couple of toasts bordering on melba, but I might just have been trying extra hard to find fault because I was jealous.

Our starters took about ten minutes to turn up after we’d ordered, and when our server, who was excellent, asked how they were I told her they were very nice and that we were really in no rush. And Dave, who reads this blog and has known me an extremely long time, gave me a look that said do you have to be like this? Poor Dave, always delighted to be at lunch with his friend – however bad a year I’m having – but now coming to accept, reluctantly, that a restaurant reviewer invariably comes with the territory. Well, he does until the bill is paid anyway. After that he fucks off so the two of us can beetle onwards to a pub.

“I would have been fine with the experience you had at the Devonshire“, he told me. But if he wasn’t so easily pleased and so happy with the path of least resistance would we still be friends, over thirty-three years after we met on his very first day at university? It doesn’t bear thinking about.

Because Dave has proved to be such a marvellous friend, so many years on, he let me choose first from the mains even though I invariably let my dining companions call shotgun. I didn’t even have to play the ‘having a terrible year’ card, it was just a given. That’s how I ended up with the pick of the specials section, and was rewarded with the veal t-bone. “Surely nothing bad ever comes in a t-bone?” said Dave, and it was hard to disagree with him.

And yet, it was good rather than great. The veal was quite enjoyable, although not the biggest, and it was cooked past blushing. Which I didn’t mind, actually: I liked the fact that I wasn’t asked how I wanted it. But the best things about it – and this is not how it ought to be – were everything else. I adored the roasted pears, plonked indecorously on top, and I really liked the thick disc of black pudding, British rather than boudin noir. But I wanted the cider sauce it came with to be rich and indulgent, and this felt slightly thin and bland. Thin in both senses: I wanted it to taste of more, and I wanted more of it.

Was this a £34 dish (or a £14 supplement dish, if you have your slide rule handy)? Maybe, maybe not. In fairness it came with fries, which were exceptional (“they’re like really good McDonalds fries” was Dave’s verdict, and he was not wrong) and a spot-on, very well-dressed salad. I added some carrots in tarragon butter, which I really didn’t need: five carrots in not quite enough rather nice butter for £5. Far from unpleasant, but the salad would have been enough.

Dave had his second choice, which would have been my second choice too, the monkfish. I am wont to say that you don’t see it on as many menus these days and yet here we are, in Bath for the first time since last year and Dave has eaten monkfish as a main at both of those meals. Maybe it’s a Bath thing. And again, the faint praise came out a little too quickly. Dave didn’t mind the monkfish, and loved the samphire and mussels. But, as with the t-bone, the sauce was what let it down.

“I just expected more depth” said Dave. “I think about that fish soup you wrote about at Pompette, and I wanted something with that kind of punch.” And he was right, I tasted Dave’s and as crab bisques go it was a little underpowered. Everything felt a little toned down, when French food is meant to be where sauces reach their evolutionary summit. The kitchen that was playing it safe here didn’t feel like the same kitchen that would rustle up a rhubarb sriracha: someone didn’t quite have the courage of their convictions. Dave had some new potatoes with this, but I also shared the frites because they were just too good to hog.

Having complained a little about the mathematical rigmarole of Chez Dominique’s menu, I will say this for it: none of the desserts comes with a supplement – unless you order multiple cheeses, but let’s not get into that – which means that ordering one costs an extra fiver. Rude not to, and practically mandatory if you ask me. There are four on the menu, and we tried a couple with a glass of Sauternes each: £12.50 for the dessert wine, but in an unimpeachable 125ml pour.

Dave’s orange, olive oil and polenta cake was quite delightful, and far softer and more delicate than it looked at first sight. It had more of that blood orange that featured in my starter, and plenty of flaked, toasted almonds and if I had ordered it I think I would have been pretty pleased. I would also, in the back of my mind, have been remembering the cake I had at Manteca a few years ago, because comparison is the thief of joy: that’s what makes me a hoot at parties.

My dessert, the vanilla bavarois, felt like it had been pre-portioned and come out of the fridge. It was decent enough but, like my tuna starter, made you spend as much time noticing the negative space than it did the stuff that didn’t entirely fill it. It was very similar to a panna cotta, and I always tend to like those, and all three of my nubbins of rhubarb were nice. My chantilly cream, speckled with vanilla, was nice. It was all nice. Isn’t that nice? Exactly.

“I think if you’re going to serve a dessert in a glass like that, the dessert needs to come a lot closer to the rim of the glass than it does there” said Dave. Nicely put.

A very companionable hour and three quarters had elapsed, and we flagged someone down for the bill, quite happy to pay it irrespective of whatever supplements or arcane calculations had been involved. Our three courses apiece – including three dishes with varying supplements, our sides and drinks and what have you – came to just over £164, with the 12.5% service charge thrown in. Our lunch in Bath the previous year had cost a little less, with a couple fewer drinks, which makes Upstairs At Landrace look both superb and a bargain.

We settled up with no compunction whatsoever and raced off to the Raven, where as luck would have it one of the best tables in the place became available minutes after we arrived. Many beers followed, and then a boozy meander to the station – I managed to persuade Dave to take a train home an hour later than the one he’d planned to, which I always count as a personal triumph – and we agreed that this formula of coffee, lunch and the pub in Bath remained a winning one, even if the filling in this particular sandwich, this time, had been pleasant rather than spectacular.

I remember watching a video last year on Instagram of some bloke judging a pizza competition. I don’t know whether it was pizza fatigue or just a general lack of vocabulary, but slice after slice was pronounced “solid”. “Oh, that’s a solid effort” he said, after chowing down on one. “Solid pizza, that one” he said after the next. Everything was solid, as if pizzas being liquid or gaseous was even an option. Solid, the word you use when it’s not bad but you don’t really know what else to say.

And yet it’s the word I keep coming back to when I try to encapsulate Chez Dominique. It is emphatically a good restaurant – not an outstanding one, but definitely a good one. You could reliably have a relatively enjoyable meal there, and if you lived in Bath you might go there a few times a year.

Does it justify a detour from further afield? Probably not. They are lucky in that city to have it as a neighbourhood restaurant, I suppose, but some of that might just be that those people are lucky to have that as a neighbourhood. It’s always hard to separate the two, I find, when a restaurant is situated somewhere lovely.

Sadly, the reason why French restaurants, the likes of Paulette or Pompette, exert such a pull is that there hasn’t been anything remotely like that in Reading since Forbury’s closed. But Chez Dominique didn’t remind me, truth be told, of any of those places. It felt more like a higher spec version of Oxford’s Pierre Victoire, the prices slightly hiked and the offering slightly widened.

But even so, if you moved both Chez Dominique and Pierre Victoire to Reading and put them on the same street it would be one of the very few times in my entire life when I’m given a choice of two similar things and I wind up picking the cheaper option. The rest of the time, the only supplement I could really do with is to my income.

Chez Dominique – 7.6
15 Argyle Street, Bath, BA2 4BQ
01225 463482

https://www.chezdominique.co.uk

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