Café review: U. Bakery, Crowthorne

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The origin story for this week’s review goes all the way back to last December, and involves a chap called Chris.

I was at home recovering from Covid, minding my own business, and I saw that Chris had sent a message to the blog’s Facebook page containing a video of him and his mates having dinner on a Tuesday night at Masakali. It had just opened at the time. To be honest I was just relieved it wasn’t hatemail, but it was rather sweet to see the camera panning round a group of friends enjoying dinner together. “Just sending you a video message, which is a bit weird” Chris began, before telling me I really should try Masakali. “It’s the restaurant place opposite TGI Friday that always changes. Love you Edible Reading! Please come here before it closes!”

I took my time – I blame the Covid – but then of course I got round to it a few weeks back, and when I did a comment popped up on the Facebook post about it. “The video message outcome!”, Chris said to a friend, one of his fellow diners. I resolved to be a little bit quicker acting on Chris’ next recommendation – it seemed the least I could do – and I got my opportunity when he chipped in after my controversial visit to the mediocre Honesty at Thames Quarter.

Chris knew just how I could get over the disappointment of that meal. If I wanted a seriously good pain au chocolat, he said, I needed to get myself to U. Bakery in Crowthorne. It was a stone’s throw from the train station, so no fuss to get to. He sent me a message with more details, telling me that the owner Uri was from Tel Aviv and the range of baked goods included plenty of stuff you couldn’t get elsewhere. “I can tell you with certainty that you won’t be disappointed” he added. “If you don’t agree I’ll pay for your train fare!”

How could I argue with an endorsement like that? So I did my research, and made plans to hop on the Gatwick train last Saturday, just in time for lunch in Crowthorne. The homework I’d done backed up what Chris had told me: U. Bakery opened last spring, owner Uri Zilberman did indeed hail from Tel Aviv and he was keen to offer a menu inspired by the food he grew up with. That meant, among other things, challa and chocolate babka, neither of which you often see round these parts. The smelly, tired old Gatwick train was packed that morning, but I at least felt like I was taking it to go somewhere better.

U. Bakery is literally two minutes’ walk from Crowthorne station and was very full when I got there. It’s a corner plot with tables outside on both sides, nearly all of which were occupied by couples and families enjoying the sun. Plenty of dog walkers, too, which was unsurprising with all the wide open space nearby. Inside I think the place seated about sixteen and again a lot of the tables were full, with a big queue in place, some waiting for tables, some grabbing loaves and coffee to go. The whole thing had that tasteful, muted, Scandi look to it – the baked goods were all on display under glass behind the counter and through a door to the left you could see the bakery, where everything on sale was produced.

The place was bright and sunny, light pouring in through the big windows, and had the happy bustle of success. And I thought to myself that Chris might be on to something, because I couldn’t think of anywhere in Reading that combined this kind of style and polish with goods baked on the premises. You had the Collective, which had this kind of aesthetic but bought their stuff in, or Geo Café, which made good pastries, but didn’t bake most of its own bread and had a more homely feel. Or, of course, there was Rise which has plenty of fans but has no space for customers to eat in.

No, on the face of it U. Bakery was the whole package – and racking my brain the only place I could think of that was anything like it was Exeter’s rather magical Exploding Bakery, just round the corner from its own train station. If you’d told me I could have something even a little like the Exploding Bakery a thirteen minute train journey from Reading I might have exploded myself, with jubilation. But anyway, looking good was less than half the battle: it was time to try the merchandise.

I’d been hoping to try the much vaunted pain au chocolat but by the time I got there, a smidge before noon, pretty much all the pastries were gone: I now understand from looking at U. Bakery’s Instagram that pastries in general and cruffins in particular shift fast after the bakery opens at 9am. But there was still an excellent range of sweet treats, many of which looked enormously tempting – Basque cheesecake, blueberry muffins, orange polenta cake and that babka. Easter being round the corner there were also hot cross buns and chocolate hot cross buns, although regrettably the latter still came with dried fruit which ruled them out for me.

A few savoury options were on display too – huge, spiralling feta swirls, filo bourekas stuffed with cheese. And then there was a range of sandwiches – mozzarella, gouda, tuna or roasted veg. They also sold big squares of rosemary focaccia, although I wasn’t quite sure why you’d pick one of these with no filling, or oil to dip it in. Whether by accident or design, nearly everything was vegetarian and the rest was pescatarian, and I heard the staff running some customers through a decent range of gluten free options including a potato sourdough which nearly made it home with me.

Prices struck me as hugely reasonable, especially when you got an idea of the work that went into everything, so cakes were between three and four pounds and those sandwiches were just shy of six pounds. I thought back to my trip to Honesty at the start of February, a place which on paper had claimed to be everything it seemed U. Bakery actually was, and I understood why Chris had told me to check out this place.

Of course, none of that would have mattered if the stuff from U. Bakery had been as underwhelming as Honesty’s output. But that never felt like it was going to happen, and once I took my order to the table I’d bagged and began to tuck in I was delighted that the hype was more than justified. My mozzarella sandwich was outstanding stuff. I sometimes think the clamour about burrata has relegated mozzarella to the status of also-ran, but great mozzarella is a wondrous thing, and the best thing you can do with it is serve it cold and fresh in thick discs, not heat it up, stretch it out and kill its magic.

Here it was its best self, and it came with gorgeous cherry tomatoes, red and yellow bombs of sweetness, some salad and a glug of balsamic vinegar which transformed it from components to a composition. But the thing I liked best of all about this sandwich, and there was plenty to choose from, is that the bread was the star of the show. It was a long, thin pretzel roll with that distinctive taste, the slightly glazed exterior and little salt crystals. It had the structure to stand up to all the goodies that had been put in it, not dry, not mushy from the balsamic, a great roll in harmony with a great filling.

What a sandwich! What a great way to spend just over a fiver and just under fifteen minutes on a train. Lunchtimes next week, I thought to myself, would be pretty dreary – and good luck finding anything of this quality in Reading for approaching the same price.

U. Bakery’s cinnamon bun was a triumph, too. More like a kanelbulle than a more ho-hum cinnamon swirl, it was a dense and sticky knot of sweet and lacquered joy. I tore into it and tore it apart, enjoying every mouthful. I think it’s possibly the best cinnamon bun I’ve had in this country, and up there with anything I can dimly remember from Copenhagen four years ago. It made me wish I’d got there earlier so I could try the pastries, although that would have meant sitting around like a lemon for quite some time until lunch. Maybe this was why all the Crowthorne residents sitting in the café looked so at ease with their life choices, because they didn’t have to rely on Great Western bloody Railways to get there.

If U. Bakery’s weakest link was its coffee, that’s not to say it wasn’t good. It came in an extremely tasteful cup, which by the looks of it they sell in the shop, and although my first sip made me think it had some lingering bitterness which might keep it out of the top tier, I found as I worked my way through it that it was a very creditable latte.

This is the point in the review where I wish I was telling you about the Basque cheesecake; I saw a portion go past to another table, simultaneously looking burnished and fluffy, and I thought is it greedy to go back up? And I nearly did, but I’m getting married in a couple of months and I keep telling myself that when I stand in the Town Hall, wearing a suit for the first time in something like five years, I’d ideally like to be ever so slightly less corpulent than I am now. It probably won’t happen, but I have to at least give myself a fighting chance.

Even so, I could easily see how you could settle in at U. Bakery for longer – grab another coffee, try one of those savoury snackettes or another cake, watch the line of people snaking in to collect their treasures. Everyone was so happy to be there, and the staff were uniformly all smiles and sunshine. I heard the spiel, obviously frequently delivered, explaining that you had to be there early for cruffins. One customer, walking away with an armful, said “it’s not for me, my wife’s in the car”, which may or may not have been true. On a warmer day, those tables outside would have looked mighty tempting, too.

All told, my bill came to just under twenty pounds, although that’s because I also picked up a little bag of chocolate chip shortbread to take home; I’d been under strict orders to bring something back with me. We ate them a couple of nights later in front of Interior Design Masters, and if you struggle to believe that a bag of six dense little shortbread biscuits, crumbly but with a hint of chewiness, shot through with plenty of dark chocolate, can be worth seven quid, all I’ll say is that U. Bakery might just change your mind. They just about changed mine.

The trains back from Crowthorne are hourly, so with time to kill I hopped next door to The Hive, which is more of a café by day and a craft beer bar by night, and sat there with a beer and a paperback. The Hive, like U. Bakery, is the kind of place Reading just doesn’t have – the closest was the Grumpy Goat, before it closed, although the new Siren Craft place due to open on Friar Street will change the landscape considerably.

It was a lovely place to while away the time, full of people watching opportunities (and, again, plenty of those people had dogs), there was outside space for when the weather was good and aside from the half dozen or so beers on keg the fridges were groaning with interesting stuff, some of it from breweries I’d never heard of. And I thought how curious it was – Crowthorne was kind of a one horse town, with just two places I might want to visit, but they happened to be side by side and between them, offering coffee, beer and baked goods, they ticked a lot of my personal boxes. The Hive also did food, including charcuterie boards, and I made a mental note for next time.

So there you have it – a very useful tip, from the man who sent me a random video three months ago. And I’m very grateful that he did, because otherwise I might never have heard about U. Bakery at all, let alone paid a visit. Having done so, I could appreciate why the people of Crowthorne might have been keeping it to themselves, but I don’t see why they should have all the fun. So thank you very much, Chris. You don’t have to reimburse the train fare, although I know you never expected that you’d need to. I might have to invoice you later in the year, though, to help support my baked goods habit as it careers out of control.

U. Bakery – 8.2
198 Duke’s Ride, Crowthorne, RG45 6DS

https://www.ubakery.co.uk

Restaurant review: Pierre Victoire, Oxford

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I had to check because I thought my mind might be playing tricks, but there used to be a French restaurant chain called Pierre Victoire, the Côte of its day, thirty years ago. I remember eating in the Nottingham branch when I lived there at the turn of the last century, and I’m pretty sure Reading had one too. Perhaps readers with even longer memories than mine can correct me if I’m wrong, but I seem to recall it was on St Mary’s Butts, where Favourite Chicken is now. Anyway, also around the turn of the century the chain went bust leaving just one outpost, on Little Clarendon Street in Oxford, as the only survivor.

And it’s still going strong.

It’s approaching its thirtieth birthday in a couple of years, and I can’t remember a time in my restaurant-going life, really, when it wasn’t there. It’s been an ever-present across the past two decades, constant as my life has shifted and changed, and I’ve had countless lunches and dinners there, with family and with friends. Back when I didn’t review places outside Reading, it was my venue of choice for eating in Oxford, especially pre-theatre before watching something at the wonderful Oxford Playhouse. But there were more than a few boozy evenings there too: I still remember the horror and confusion of an American friend I lost in the divorce, trying snails for the first time.

Just as my life has changed in that time, the topography of Oxford has too. Little Clarendon Street used to be the epicentre of Oxford, for me, where everything was going on. It had Pierre Victoire, a great little tapas place next door and ice cream café George & Davis opposite, a brilliant interiors shop called Central and another little shop across the way called Ottoman selling cool bits and bobs. At night it was criss-crossed with fairy lights, just a magnificent place to be.

And then the years intervened and other parts of Oxford got more interesting – Jericho just around the corner, Summertown further north, the explosion of interesting restaurants and coffee down the Cowley and Iffley roads. I found myself more likely to have lunch at Arbequina and coffee at Peloton, or to amble down North Parade before a reservation at Pompette. The Westgate, a shopping development that makes the Oracle look sad and tired, altered Oxford’s landscape too. Little Clarendon Street by contrast didn’t really change, both its biggest strength and weakness.

But in recent times the pendulum has swung back, and heading to Pierre Victoire last Saturday for a late solo lunch I was struck by the fact that Little Clarendon Street is having another moment. Central may have closed, but next door social enterprise and excellent café Common Ground was doing a roaring trade. Across the way, The Jericho Cheese Company was full of lactic treats to take home and newish bottle shop and restaurant Wilding, where the Café Rouge of my student days used to be, looked very tempting. And there, familiar and unchanged, was Pierre Victoire: I was surprised by how gladdened I was to see it.

Pierre Victoire only opens for lunch Friday to Sunday nowadays, and it’s a tribute to how popular the place is that when I rang in the week to make a lunch booking pretty much all they had left was a table at quarter to two. And the place was humming with life and conversation when I stepped through the front door. The ground floor dining room goes back a long way and I seem to remember they have another dining room upstairs, or they certainly used to. I’m pretty sure these bare brick walls predate any trend for exposed bricks: it’s that sort of place.

But the tables at the front, with daylight, are the plum ones. Mine, literally tucked behind the front door, had “table for one” written all over it but gave a great view of the room and the happy diners of North Oxford. A table for six was making a meal of settling their bill, and the staff were perfectly attentive and friendly, showing no frustration. A steady stream of diners came in even after me – some with bookings, others chancing their arm on spec. All of the latter were turned away: an establishment this busy at 2pm on a Saturday afternoon has cracked something which eludes many restaurants, including a lot of the ones I review.

Pierre Victoire offers a prix fixe menu for lunch and dinner, and they differ slightly in terms of how much choice you get and the type of dishes: for instance, duck confit is on the lunch menu, while it’s magret de canard for dinner. The price varies too – lunch is about twenty pounds for two courses and twenty-five for three, whereas dinner is closer to thirty and thirty-five. Back when Pierre Victoire was open for weekday lunches I think it was even more affordable, but back when Pierre Victoire was open for weekday lunches literally everything was more affordable: I’m not sure how helpful that comparison is, really.

In any event the menu was full of French classics, many of which I’ve tried over the years – onion soup, chicken liver parfait, moules, escargots, steak frites and so on. I was a little jaded after an evening on the wine with a friend the night before, so I swerved the wine list on this occasion and instead opted for a fortifying Orangina. It came in the classic, original bottle and I wondered, short of Perrier and Fanta Limon, whether any non-alcoholic drink had as great a capacity to transport you as Orangina does. My body needed the sugars, that was for certain. The staff also brought a jug of iced tap water without me having to ask. Either they do this as standard or I looked as off the pace as I felt: either way, it was appreciated.

The other thing they always bring without you having to ask at Pierre Victoire is bread. Not ubiquitous sourdough: sourdough has completely passed Pierre Victoire by, or rather it’s above such things. No, you get a little basket of cheap, plain baguette with some decent butter which came out of the fridge a little too recently. But it’s always ambrosial; like the Orangina, like the hubbub, there’s something of elsewhere about the whole thing. You’re simultaneously mentally very much in Oxford and across the Channel, both of which are pleasant experiences.

My normal order at Pierre Victoire would be the chicken liver parfait, which comes in a little sphere with brioche toast and sweet, sticky, jammy red onion. But I was trying to be less predictable for once, so I chose the one vegan dish on the menu, a fricasée of mushrooms. It came out mere minutes after I’d ordered – I’d forgotten how brisk, how well oiled a machine Pierre Victoire is at lunchtime – and was a lovely and delicate piece of work. The decision to put it in a little chalice of filo pastry was a clever one which added texture, as did resting the whole lot on what I assume was a splodge of butternut squash purée.

I wasn’t sure about the tangle of pea shoots – one or two restaurants I love tend to overuse these as punctuation and I wish they wouldn’t – but overall it worked nicely. The mushrooms themselves, a mixture of wild and button if the menu was to be believed, were in a sauce with cognac and a little sweetness, but I found it slightly thin. It needed the cosseting touch of cream, I reckoned. But then it wouldn’t have been vegan, and that was the box it was ticking on the menu. Even so it was polished off in minutes, and there was just enough bread to mop up the last of the sauce.

If I’d chosen a curveball as a starter, I played safe for the main. I don’t think I’ve ever been to Pierre Victoire for lunch and not seen duck confit on the menu, and it’s rare for me not to order it there. I don’t understand why more places, especially pubs, don’t serve duck confit: it’s so easy to get right and such a joy to eat. There’s always plenty of meat, it always falls off the bone to the point where picking it clean is a meticulous delight and, done well, you get that crispy skin and that subcutaneous, glossy fat. Confit duck, as it happens, is one of the options on the menu for my wedding later in the year, and it will take all my strength not to pick it.

I really love how Pierre Victoire serves duck confit, too, with just the two accompaniments. A brick of rosti, which in this case was maybe a tiny bit too soggy and not crispy enough, and a bitter orange sauce which brought everything together beautifully. Good luck finding duck à l’orange anywhere on a menu these days – it’s one of those relics of the past, at least in this country – but Pierre Victoire’s smart, affordable take on it is all you really need.

It was a perfect, simple pleasure and it made me very glad to be at that table, in that room, in that restaurant, in that city, exactly where I should be. My paperback (an Anne Tyler I’d never read) stayed untouched throughout my meal because when I wasn’t eating, or taking pictures, I was too busy enjoying where I was. Watching the staff, so on it and so harmonious, always in control without being mechanical. And looking at my fellow diners, imagining their stories and their lives outside this little parcel of Saturday afternoon where we all happened to be in the same place.

As I said, Pierre Victoire is nothing if not efficient – I’d be surprised if I was the first customer at that table that lunch service, and I saw other tables turned while I was there. But they never made me feel processed, and I gave the dessert menu serious consideration before deciding to settle up. It’s more compact than the choice for the other two courses, and a crêpe au citron called to me, but not loud enough. My bill for the two courses and that iconic Orangina set me back twenty-two pounds fifty, not including tip. Pierre Victoire maybe isn’t the bargain it once was, but I’m not sure I want restaurants I like to be bargains any more. I want them to survive.

Don’t be fooled by the rating below (I know you’ve probably already scrolled down and checked). Yes, I gave Pierre Victoire a 7.3, but what I would say is that there are 7.3s and then there are 7.3s. There are the expensive restaurants where dinner or lunch costs you the best part of three figures and you think “well, it was okay”, and there are cheap and cheerful places where you come away thinking that your hosts have surpassed, or possibly even transcended, your expectations. And yet Pierre Victoire, would you believe, is neither of those things.

No, what Pierre Victoire is is that rarest of beasts, a truly consistent restaurant. I can honestly say that the last time I went there was every bit as good as this time – and not just that, but every bit as good in exactly the same way. The time before was too, and I dare say the next time will be as well. And there will be a next time, the next instalment in a series of meals that started something like twenty years ago and, if I’m lucky, will go on for many more.

Your mileage may vary, but for my money that’s worth a dozen culinary comets or flashes in the pan. I’d say that every town should have a place like Pierre Victoire, although travelling to Oxford is really no hardship. And I’d almost go one step further and say that every town should have a Pierre Victoire, but that’s dangerous nonsense: it is, as we know, how chains get started. Pierre Victoire doesn’t need that. It’s already been there, done that, got the t-shirt – and then moved on, a long time ago, to far better things.

Pierre Victoire – 7.3
9 Little Clarendon St, Oxford, OX1 2HP
01865 316616

https://pierrevictoire.co.uk

Restaurant review: Masakali

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I’ve been asked about Masakali, the Indian restaurant that replaced San Sicario at the bottom of the Caversham Road, ever since it opened last November. I had a fair few messages on social media saying that it looked interesting, and when I’ve put Twitter polls up asking which of Reading’s newest openings I should visit first it’s always picked up a lot of votes. Being an awkward sod I still reviewed Minas Café, Filter Coffee House and Hala Lebanese before getting round to Masakali, but better late than never: here, at last, is the review literally some of you wanted.

I can see why people noticed Masakali. Something about the polish of its website made people dispense with their usual cynicism about yet another restaurant opening at a site which sees a new occupant every few years. The branding felt completely realised, in a way we don’t often see with new independent restaurants here. Masakali means pigeon in Hindi, and the restaurant is apparently partly inspired by A.R. Rahman’s Bollywood song of the same name: some of that might just be marketing guff, but at least they were trying.

The other thing that stood out about Masakali was the menu. Generic Anglo-Indian curries were kept to a minimum, and instead everything looked – on paper at least – properly interesting. No mix and match proliferation of protein and sauce, instead a range of more singular dishes. A few interesting cultural cross-pollinations here and there, like kulcha stuffed with truffle ghee or a chaat apparently topped with Walker’s crisps, but otherwise a good range of regional Indian dishes.

Someone had done their homework. And you know the C word was going to come up eventually, so here it is: the whole thing felt like a land grab for customers of Clay’s Kitchen rather than, say, people who went to the Bina (assuming, of course, that people still go to the Bina).

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Restaurant review: Yo Momoz

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Zoë was telling me about an article in the Guardian at the weekend, which said that trading standards was considering outlawing the word “cheeze” to refer to vegan alternatives to cheese. It wasn’t just cheeze in their sights but all the other words in that genre like chick’n, which I’d heard of, and m!lk, which I hadn’t. In case you weren’t sure whether the people who had proposed this were killjoys, the article included a sentence that read “the document says plant-based brands should not use homophones, asterisked characters or other wordplay.” Quite right too – I mean, how dare they? Down with wordplay!

But really, it all feels so needless. The whole point of calling a product, for example, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter is that it’s implicit in the name that it’s not butter. Nobody is being misled, and once you’ve tasted I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, I can’t believe you’d honestly think it was butter, either. It’s easy for contrarians to moan about products branded as “vegan mozzarella”, but surely nobody wants that rebranded as “vegan soft-white balls with a light cheese flavour”, do they? That’s just balls, in the worst sense.

The one thing I do have sympathy with trading standards about, though, is that particular word. Cheeze. Because if I ever sweep to power (and I’m coming to terms with the fact that it looks increasingly unlikely) one of the first things I’d do is outlaw the unnecessary use of fake Zs. This started out in mobile phone shops called things like Fone Bitz – would it kill them to spell either of the words correctly? – but it’s since infected all manner of brand names.

I’ve complained before about a gentleman’s hairdresser called Ladz Barbers, down the Oxford Road. I suppose we should be grateful that they’ve only swapped one of the Ss for a Z: it’s across the road from Biryani Boyzz, which has no such qualms and has swapped a single S for two Zs. That’s inflation for you. There’s also a Biryani Boyzz down the Wokingham Road, not far from Milano’Z Pizza on the other side of the road. I can forgive the apostrophe, but not the capitalisation.

And it turns out there’s also a Milano’Z Pizza down the Oxford Road, so perhaps this particular kind of epically bad spelling is catching. I had a quick Google to confirm all this and Google said Did you mean Milano’s Pizza? I wish I did. At the time of writing the Biryani Boyzz on the Wokingham Road has a hygiene rating of zero: it might not just be the bad spelling that’s contagious.

Anyway, I begin with this crabby, middle-aged rant because the subject of this week’s review is another culprit. I first spotted Yo Momoz, in the Wokingham Road’s Z contagion zone, on my walk back in January from Hala Lebanese, a restaurant which is presumably only weeks away from rebranding as Hala Lebaneze. It’s worth paying attention heading up the Wokingham Road or the Oxford Road because you invariably spot something new, something that wasn’t there last time you checked: it’s how I pass off those trips to Double Barrelled on the number 17 bus as vital research.

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Restaurant review: 1 York Place, Bristol

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It was a brilliant plan, in theory: I was in Bristol in February visiting my friends James and Liz and I thought that the three of us could go to lunch at Bristol’s hottest new restaurant, 1 York Place. It opened in December and I booked a table at the start of the year, excited about being hot off the press and reviewing it before anybody except Bristol’s local papers. What could possibly go wrong?

I’d have got away with it too, if it wasn’t for those pesky national restaurant reviewers. About two weeks before my visit, William Sitwell wrote about the place in the Telegraph. It was a rave review, and to sum up his 600 words on the subject he said it “felt like being pummelled… by endless waves of gorgeous food”. I assume he thinks that being pummelled is a good thing: after all, he did go to a very different kind of school to me.

To compound that sense of being foiled, the Mail On Sunday‘s Tom Parker Bowles went too, less than a week before my visit. His 400-odd words were another panegyric, even if he managed to avoid being spanked by any of the dishes. “What a menu. What a restaurant” he enthused, splitting a £100 main course of hot roast shellfish with his buddy in the process. About £40 a head (without that shellfish platter) said the text at the end, in case you don’t fancy living it up like the King’s stepson.

It was frustrating that those two got there first but at least it meant I was in for an absolute treat. If a pair of rich, entitled, Eton-educated men were in raptures about the place, surely that boded well for my table for three? We wandered the short distance from Clifton Village hungry and with a healthy level of anticipation.

To give you the background, and explain why this restaurant has been so keenly awaited, it’s the latest venture from chef and restaurateur Freddy Bird. Bird trained in London before opening the Lido in Bristol in 2008, followed by its sibling Thames Lido in 2017. He then struck out on his own at a place called littlefrench in Bristol five years ago. Bird is well connected, and has had glowing reviews at every step of the way, along with TV appearances on the likes of Saturday Kitchen and Sunday Brunch.

His reputation even led to the Guardian reviewing Thames Lido back in 2017: in those days you had to be pretty special to lure the Guardian to Reading, of all places. In fact, the Guardian wrote three articles about Thames Lido in just under two months, which is the middle class equivalent of how excited Berkshire Live got about Wendy’s.

It’s an attractive corner plot which was an Italian restaurant in a former life, double aspect with a small dining room on the ground floor and a bigger one down some narrow spiral stairs. Sitwell sniffily dismissed the upper level as “more balcony than room” but actually, with plenty of natural light, I think I’d preferred to have eaten there than in the basement where we were seated. It wasn’t an unattractive room, but it was beige and a tad bland without managing to emulate Scandi chic. The bare tables were knotty pine, not a nineties trend I’d expected to see make a comeback (“what’s wrong with varnish?” was James’ more uncharitable take).

I tend to agree with Parker Bowles about the menu – it’s not often that I see so many dishes I could gladly order, and it made decisions hard. As with my trip to Quality Chop House the previous weekend, it was a menu with a snack section as well as the three traditional courses and actually it was very reminiscent of the London venue: a few dishes – cod’s roe, sweetbreads, schnitzel – had appeared on the last menu I read on duty. Snacks were mostly six to seven quid, starters between ten and fifteen, mains twenty to thirty.

But to give you an idea of how truly difficult it was, here’s a selection of the dishes we missed out on: salt cured foie gras with spiced quince; confit duck with lentils and salsa verde; grilled squid and squid ink bomba rice with aioli; beef, red wine and bone marrow pie. However Freddy Bird might cook, the man knows how to write a menu that makes life tricky.

Liz is an excellent person to review restaurants with because she picks the kind of lighter, sensible options I never would. James is an equally excellent person to review restaurants with because he will gladly pick something different just to give me plenty to write about. On this occasion he told me that he would gladly share the pie with me and I turned that offer down. Over the course of the meal I would slightly come to regret that decision.

But first, wine. It was a good list at 1 York Place, split into sections so you could pick a fresh white, or an aromatic white or what have you. We were torn between three, all from the “textured whites” section – if you know what a textured white wine is you’re streets ahead of me – and our server, uniformly excellent from start to finish, came straight off the fence and told us what to choose. It was a Provençal white, it cost forty-three pounds against a retail price of nineteen and we all liked it a great deal. It was pale in the glass, so I worried that we’d made the wrong choice, but it was beautiful on the palate and went with enough, if not all, of what we’d ordered.

I know people sometimes moan about the length of my reviews, but looking at the 600 and 400 words of my better paid brethren I think there’s something to be said for talking about food at greater length. A dish from the snacks section was described as Sicilian winter tomatoes, smoked pork belly. Parker Bowles described the tomatoes as “pert and firm”, and Sitwell made an awful joke about how Spaniards would feed the dish to vegetarians (he loves vegetarians), concluding with a “tee-hee-hee” which made me wonder if he was the Beano‘s Lord Snooty.

That’s all well and good, but what neither of them had the word count to convey was that this dish was small and, for my money, mislabelled. This was closer to lardo than pork belly, and I think there’s an implication that dishes billed as snacks should be sharable. This wasn’t, and dividing it in three was fiddly and barely worth the bother. Were the tomatoes pert and firm? Not especially. I mean, it was quite nice and all that but for six pounds fifty it was not much for not much.

Much more like it was the cod’s roe, served with fennel to use as a crudité. I’ve come to cod’s roe quite late in life, having been a taramasalata refusenik for many years, but I really loved this and, if anything, I preferred it to Quality Chop House’s version the previous week. I had never considered using fennel to dip in anything, to be honest, but 1 York Place has quite converted me to it as a concept – sweet and crunchy, the aniseed note rendering the roe less cloying.

William Sitwell loved this dish too, although he said that fennel was “the equivalent of a sensible nanny giving one a bollocking”. That’s Sitwell for you, the classic Everyman. There wasn’t quite enough fennel to scoop up all the roe, so I’m glad our server talked us into ordering some bread to account for the last of it. You got five thick slabs of it and a generous quantity of salted butter, at the right temperature, for just under a fiver. I’m not going to include a photo of that: you know what bread looks like.

For me the standout dish of the meal was what came next, fried lamb sweetbreads. They were heaped like profiteroles onto a puddle of bright, beautiful salsa verde, dressed with thin strips of anchovy and crispy sage leaves. This was pretty much all my favourite things on a plate, and all of it was done exceptionally well – the shell of batter light and delicate, the almost racing green salsa verde deep and delicious.

But it wasn’t just me – or James – that adored this dish, because the critics were wowed by it too. Parker Bowles said he didn’t think he’d taste a better dish this year: I eat far less well than he does, but I might not either. He did describe the salsa verde as “brusque” though, which looks great on paper but is about as meaningful as saying that it had a firm handshake. Sitwell said that it “swirled in the mouth like a whirlpool of discovery”, seemingly unaware of quite how gross that sounds. He obviously wasn’t bollocked by that nanny often enough.

As I said, Liz can be relied on to choose options on the menu which I tend to avoid, the sort I would probably order if I was a better person. A prawn and lobster blini fitted that bill admirably and definitely looked the part, topped with ribbons of fennel and fronds of dill. This wouldn’t have been for me – dill is the one herb I’ve never quite taught myself to like – but Liz, who said it was light and fresh, was a big fan.

I had genuinely been torn between a number of mains, particularly the confit duck or the squid, but my decision was made before we ordered when our excellent server walked past with a couple of plates and slowed down so I could rubberneck, a terrible habit I have in all restaurants. “That’s the schnitzel” he said about one particularly attractive-looking dish, and so I decided to forego the other options.

Was it the right decision? Almost. It looked the part, bronzed and crisp-edged, perched on a heap of celeriac remoulade, a fried egg reclining on top, the whole lot festooned with capers. On paper I should have absolutely loved this dish, and yet it wasn’t quite right. For me the veal was a little too thick, the coating a little too brittle, coming away and not adhering. And yet it was soggy at the bottom, which it really shouldn’t have been. The remoulade was beautiful, and most things are improved with an abundance of capers, but for me this missed the mark.

At £28 it was the most expensive main on the menu, and I couldn’t help remembering that the schnitzel at Quality Chop House the previous week had been almost a tenner cheaper. I wouldn’t have been surprised if it was better than 1 York Place’s version. Then I remembered the schnitzel that occasionally popped up on the Lyndhurst’s lunch menu that cost ten pounds, and that was certainly better.

The other two dishes showed that Bird likes to stick to the tried and tested. Ox cheek in Pedro Ximenez was on Thames Lido’s menu when the Guardian visited over six years ago and it was present here, the only substitution being cavolo nero for kale. Still, the classics are classics for a reason and James had no complaints. “The potatoes are puréed perfection”, he said. I thought this dish was slightly on the small side, but that might just have been me: “they’re generous portions, aren’t they?” said the server as he plonked this down. In case you care desperately by this stage what William Sitwell thought, he liked this too. It was, apparently, “the blackest, richest ox cheek you can imagine”.

Another dish from the textbook was Liz’s choice, hake with potatoes, celeriac and mussels in a saffron and dill broth. I did have a sense of déjà vu about this but didn’t realise until later why this was: it was very similar to a dish Thames Lido served up when I reviewed it six years ago.

Liz liked this version more than I’d liked the 2018 incarnation – the random chickpeas had been taken out and the dill had been dialled down (I’d forgotten how much Freddy Bird likes dill) and overall she was a fan. “Even though I had two fish dishes I didn’t feel there was any repetition” she said. I’m glad she picked this – my reviews don’t always have enough of interest for you pescatarians out there – but it wouldn’t have been my choice.

None of us fancied one of the sides, Castelfranco, which is the kind of thing Nigel Slater refers to airily as “bitter leaves”. So we ordered the other, roast pumpkin with chilli, butter, sage and walnuts. This wasn’t what I was expecting or hoping for: giant wedges of pumpkin with more crispy sage leaves, a heap of what I assume was Parmesan and a cluster of walnuts. It needed more butter, some chilli – the chilli had gone AWOL – more texture and contrast. It felt like a slog. We left some.

I can nearly always go for a dessert, and I imagine I could usually persuade James to have one too, but the dessert menu was where the magic touch had deserted 1 York Place. I’m sure that it would have much to appeal to many, but for me it was too heavily dependent on hot school dinner type affairs – a steamed golden syrup sponge and a rice pudding were both available – so despite being in the mood for something sweet we called it a day. When William Sitwell went earlier in the month he had a chocolate and dulce de leche tart: if that had still been on the menu I’d be telling you all about it now.

It felt strange to bring the meal to a close so sharply, like closing a book a few chapters from the end, but I’ve never been one for finishing novels I’m not enjoying and I don’t believe in forcing myself to have dessert for the sake of it either, not even on duty. Our meal for three, including ten per cent service, was almost bang on two hundred pounds. Just to compound how lovely the staff were, our server told us to have a lovely rest of the day and up on the ground floor, collecting our coats, we were told that again. The staff were fantastic from start to finish – they should up that ten per cent to twelve and a half.

On the walk back to Liz’s car we compared notes. Liz liked it more than James had, and was happy with her choices. I suspect I liked it about as much as James did, but he naturally scores things lower than I do. “Better than anything Wilson’s would produce and a third of the cost” was his analysis, although it might have been heavy on the hyperbole. But then he’s never forgiven Wilson’s, after heading there based on my review, for serving up an expensive, utterly carb free meal and leaving him ravenous; later that evening James admitted that “better than Wilson’s” was an epithet he’d apply to almost anywhere in Bristol, including Greggs.

And what about me, what did I think? Well, I was a little nonplussed by the whole affair. 1 York Place neatly fits into that category of restaurants – there are quite a few of them – where they are better than a lot of what Reading has to offer but, in the wider scheme of Bristol, nothing special. It is a lovely neighbourhood restaurant but I have a sneaking feeling a lot of that is around it being in a lovely neighbourhood. If I lived nearby I’d still probably end up doing the short walk to Bar 44 or trying out The Clifton, which won a Bib Gourmand recently.

But then I think of the exalted company I’m in, by reviewing the same place as Messrs Sitwell and Parker Bowles the same month they went there. They no doubt know their food better than I do, and of course they also know the chef better than I do. If this was somebody else’s restaurant would they have written the same paeans of praise? Would they have even gone there at all? I don’t know, but it makes me glad I didn’t have to sum up the place in a few hundred words. I’m not sure how anyone could capture a restaurant accurately with so little space to play with. I know I couldn’t. But I’m not sure they did, either.

1 York Place – 7.7
1 York Place, Bristol, BS8 1AH
0117 2447775

https://www.1yorkplace.co.uk